The SPACE..

It is the space between the bars that holds the cage.
-Zen Master

A friend of mine asked me what are my views on this. At first, when I read it, it did sounded like, hmm.. a cage, bars, space, so what's new this saying tells us? Even after a day, this was still on the back of my mind, "what this means", trying to get depth of this zen saying. Anoher motivation was to reply to my friend who asked my views on this, with whom I'm in touch only with email forwards now a days :) . On friday, I was done with work, tired, riding back home in the train, half in transe, it occured to me that cage defines inside the cage and outside the cage! And I got a direction to follow for the saying!

It's the space between the bars which makes the existence of the cage. If there would not have been any space between the bars, it would have been a room. The space makes one realize that there is an outside and there is an inside, that he/she is inside, and there is something better, called "freedom" outside. He/she has something to compare with ,called outside. If it were just solid wall, person would have been just satisfied with what is available. But when there is a comparison, and realization of one's limitation or boundary, person wants to become free from just realized "cage" or trapped condition. It's curiosity of experiencing outside world, and dissatisfaction from the present situation makes a cage so important for a person. "Important" may not necessarily mean favorable. Something like we feel many times, we want to go to a place which is not home, we get bored at home, we want something new or not home to entertain our mind. It's also our tricky mind, which never gets satisfied. Our mind wishes something, we achieve it, and in no time, we get bored of it, now we want some other thing, which is not the thing we just achieved. Mind gets fed up very easily. Our mind tries to thrive on so called "newness". We lose interest in a new thing very fast. As soon as we experience it, we are done with it mentally. But we are smart to hide that we are done with it if we can not get rid of it for whatever reasons :), may be it social reasons, moral grounds or obligations or our own weakness.

I could identify so many cage situations with me too now after I started thinking into this direction. I am thinking, even if I will be or I am aware of these "cage" situations, would I be able to see it from another prospective now? The way our mind works is, it would first think of self first! Map the benefits of the cage, and disadvantages of the cage. What weighs more? benefits? boom, no way I'm going out of the cage !! It's my safety net or comfort zone. We are afraid to step out of our comfort zone. We are afraid of unknown. We do not have a sample experience of the unknown to find comfort/discomfort, and we do not want to put our comfort at stake for something we are not sure if it would be comforting or disturbing. We are selfish deep inside! Whenever there is a judging involved, it's a selfish act. I will judge my self with the arguments which makes myself a winner!! The cage exist if we think there is a cage or bars and space. If I am not afraid of extending my comfortzone into the unknown, there is no cage. The fear is the key to identify and not surrender to it. I have observed how I react to fear, I get into the unknown with no thought in my mind, no comparison or judgment, before or after thoughts, with a faith that I will be still in comfort with stepping into an unknown, TRUSTING The SELF and no regrets later. The part of my mind which blocks such thoughts takes the charge and I become fearless under it's leadership. This is the best I can describe process that occurs in my mind to overcome cage feeling.

Valentine's Day Wishes

Happy Valentine's Day 

My Next Favorite Movie: BLACK

BLACK (link: BLACK)

Teacher and the blind girl.

Young girl from the movie.

A story of a blind and deaf girl and an alcoholic teacher (link: STORY). I have not watched it yet, but I know, this is going to be my another favorite movie. It is a film made in bollywood (link: BOLLYWOOD), biggest film industry in the world. It is an english movie, with very different story, very inspirational, very touching. I just wanted to watch this movie today as soon as I came to know about this. But I did not find any company to go with. This is a spiritual, grandiose, dazzling, delicate movie showing one's soul getting elevated from less than normal. I give 4 STARS !! Go, Watch this movie!!

Am I Patient Enough?

Patience

How much patience is patience, and how much patience makes you a fool?

There is no fine line between these too. Patience is a positive attitude, a hope, kind of "what you want, would happen, may take little longer" attitude. Too much waiting for the thing to happen can prove yourself a fool. It's on a person's judgement, how long to be patient. Many times, being patient is taken as a weakness. I have come up with a good formula to this, set a deadline, or give a certain numbers of chances to your patience, like, number of benefits of doubts, or set a time period to evaluate your judgement of patience again. Absence of patience is more seen in teenagers, which is not necessarily a conclusion. Sometimes patience can reflect fear of situation of not having patience or disregarding self respect.

Re-Evaluation

What is friendship?

I woke up at 6:35 am on sunday morning(very unusual), going through my memory cinematography, past events, perceptive exchanges, continued with last night dinner etc. It takes more than routine dinner/lunch together, routine meet ups in any relation. It is not just something you want to share when you are unhappy. It is something more than that. The main substance of friendship is communication. May it be verbal, eye, physical or even non-communication. I am surprized how we communicate even with not communicating. If We are angry at or ashamed of someone we know, forget verbal communication, we avoid even an eye contact. This sends a very strong message, I am angry at you or I am ashamed of you. We have many forms of communication.

I take train ride every day for my work, 50+ mins ride each way. I see many same faces every day. They probably take the train for the same objective. We many times share same seats. We are quite close phiscally too, less than 3 feet of one's very personal space. Still I do not relate myself to them or neither do they. If you watch people in train, you can easily make out a new mother, old mother, happy person, an ambitious business professional implimenting business tactics, a worried person, a unhappy person, sick person, but we never ask them why do they feel so or what is wrong or right. We behave as indifferent. Routine meet up does not mean relation! It takes more than that, an "emotional closeness". This is a give-take and take-give process. It is a bid-offer process.

Mind it well my friend, friendship is not eternal, it is an ever changing chemistry. It has two chemical agents, acting or reacting all the times. The result can be some by-products or an explosion. We as human beings are animal of crowd, we need each other. We need each other for emotional needs. We good friends may not exchage gifts, it's the little things we do and we don't do. It is not just our support system in your worries and down time. It is there to share your happieness; in your sorrow, you want them to have ampathy, you want to get a feeling of belonging when in sickness, sometimes we just want physical presence, or we want to share our perpetual, "everyday-new day" things. This forms a main product called "emotioanl closeness", though of different levels, and nurtures both the reagents in the chemical process. This process has the inherent constituents: willingness, sensitivity and intuition. We don't analyze consciously on when to communicate, how much to comunicate. Above three in our subconscious just happens to us on how much, when or how to communicate. It is very instinctive and intuitive. You can not apply intelligence or logic (not necessarily unbiased), otherwise it no longer remains pure, it becomes an applied subject, like math. In this chemical process there is a danger of developing a very secret property called jealousy. This can lead the whole chemistry to a regression or repulsion. Human mind is very tricky. Our perceptions are very different though same physical and chemical composition of our bodies. One of the symptoms of receding relation is repeated give-no take and no take-give cycles. and statistically, the chemical process barely survives this cycle, usually it ends in an explosion.

All this comes to my mind with a sequence of incidents with a friend of mine. routine weekend diner, though uninvited; no direct effort to talk to me, kind of indifferent feeling; no reaction to my very evident not feeling well look which I never miss to reciprocate; no concern to happenings with me since a long time, all these make me re-evaluate our process. I feel sometimes I am losing patience, or it's just my imagination, but my part of mind is little sensitive on me getting indifferent. It's not just a conflict between two people, it is also a conflict within, may be of different levels based on different priorities though...

We are not perfect but at least we adjust to other person with our distinctive intelligence and emotional maturity, when this adjustment comes from only one side for long, it's just conflict that remains, and I believe one should definitely re-evaluate if it is worth investing one's time being little sensitive to yourself.