white and black

That's Life!

2009-10-17T18:27:00.007-05:00

Yes, if it were always a smooth sailing, happy going, it would have become boring eventually, yes, that is right. Life needs to be interesting, at every turn, and the interesting thing is you don't write a script for.

I had seen this ad long time back, on some website, which listed all the best commercials in the world in various categories. I clearly remember, it was Citi . This commercial goes, a father, an executive, is on the run to conquer his ambitions, and his li'l boy is growing everday. The message it said in the enwas, you don't want to miss the firsts of your son in the ambition of becoming first. It went right to my heart the very first time I saw that, in total agreement.

I need to decide my priorities, between my dearest li'l jaan, and make a living. I am never for climbing corporate ladder anyways. I do know my priority though. It's a real tough choice. No guarantee on my "Citi choice" for anything, very risky, am putting everything in the game for that choice, but, I know, deep in my heart, that, THAT is the "right" choice. Rest, will see as it comes.

God willing, everything will fall into place. As my hubby says many times, "Inshaa-allah".

Free Tibet

2008-03-21T14:04:00.012-05:00

It's been a long pause between my last post and this one. My apologies, so many things changing so quickly, it's hard to keep up with the pace.
Well, I am back now!

The recent unrest of Tibetans which also made me thinking, The "Free Tibet" movement.

Unfortunate of refugee Tibetans, India does not support their fair cause. We went ahead and arrested these refugees to appease the Big Brother- China! We claim to be supportive by giving Tibetans refuge. Why India is not supporting their cause openly? What I can't understand is Why India has been chickening out? Are we lacking of confidence in our strength? economy? Is it because we have already been beaten by them once? Is it the sheer square miles of the country ? I feel, we are also backing out from protecting Arunachal Pradesh, the integral part of India! We are well competent with China in every aspect today.

Why such a low self-respect? Where did our pride go? It only shows up when Dhoni and Yuvraj beat Pakistan or Australia! or when Rich Gere kisses Ms. Shetty! Or when bachchans make a headline!

We could not protect Taslima from fundamentalists' lobby, we also could not handle the Goa nhomicide case well!

If we want to stride with the "first world" countries, we *MUST* become responsible, and take a firm stand. We can not solve anything by being "modest"or by being "neutral". that is not being modest or neutral, we are just proving our cowardice. Wake up India, Wake up!

still alive

2007-10-04T15:46:00.000-05:00

my apologies to my dear friends, for not updating this blog for a while.

had been really very busy these days while..
releasing one by another releases
preparing for "the" India trip
preparing for "the" wedding
preparing for the uncertain j*b scenario
preparing for uncertain status scenario
preparing back up plan for above the uncertainities..

quite stressful days!
but, I am alive, sane and still happy :)

Happy 60th Independence Day!

2007-08-14T13:17:00.000-05:00

"Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we will redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance.... We end today a period of ill fortune, and India discovers herself again."

- Jawaharlal Nehru (Speech on the First Indian Independence Day, Aug 15, 1947)

The Land we Belong

The smell of the earth;
Like the thousands of stars in the sky;
The heights of the mountain;
Like the streams of the river that mingles in the sea;
This is the land I belong to.
This is the land we belong to.

The laughter of millions of children
I hear, I hear;
We hear, we hear;
Echoes across the sky;
This is the land I belong to.
This is the land we belong to.

There is a dream in every Indian eye;
A dream I see, I see;
A dream we see; we see;
A dream we believe, we believe;
This is the land I belong to;
This is the land we belong to.

The rain comes and washes the dry sand;
There I see a name;
In the wind I hear the whispers…
My India, my India;
This is the land I belong to;
This is the land we belong to.

A Happy Independence Day!!!
A Proud Indian

Vande Mataram !
(Sanskrit: वन्दे मातरम् Vande Mataram, Bengali: বন্দে মাতরম Bônde Matorom)

wisdom (tooth) blues

2007-08-02T22:08:00.000-05:00

I had this tooth as a part of my one and only body since, last, I don't remember how many years! yes, it is the past tense I have to use now. The proof of growing wisdom, is not gone, puufff, no more..

The biggest tooth in my jaw, hovering over nothing beneath it, was my 30th. It was the connoisseur of every fine food and drink I have ever consumed until yesterday! There was something with any exotic or non-exotic food and my 30th. There was an inexplicable cohesion between these two, It was always so a challenging task to separate them. Ohh, do I miss my those royal battle after every meal I consumed! May be, I never understood the chemistry between them.. I was confiding to micro mint super tuffloss evermore! It was a love-hate relationship between us, couldn't live without, and couldn't live with.. after all, it was part of my own scaffold, which, now, is history, sitting in a glass bottle coffin leaving behind sweet and sour, hot and cold memories.

Let me give you little background on Dr. chopper puller, my maxillofacial surgeon. I doubt he can ever understand anyone's (to be specific, my) love for confirmation of my wisdom. My tooth had been going delicate darling for anything i consume, very out of it's characteristics, throwing tantrums for all fine foods and drinks it adored for years. My dentist had suggested me back in 2003 to get it removed, but my strong love for my 30th was not giving up though I had been noticing little black thingie forming up on my W tooth.

With growing pains, I gave in, and called up Dr Chopper Puller, to set up an appointment. The doc was out on vacation for 3 weeks, which gave me some time to breath, in case, I want to change my mind. And on Aug 1, I had no choice, I was trapped in my own trick. I took off from work a little bit work too, little nervous, I am driving to the Dr C Puller's office. Here, they treat you like, at a salon, for a hair cut, chop chop chop, and done!! I would say that your hair stylist is little bit more involved into you while giving you a hairstyle.

At Dr. C Puller's office, handing out my insurance card to the lady at the front desk, I was filling up the forms. She got quite excited, she kind of shouted delightfully after reading my employer's name at my inusrance card, "Ohh, it's XYZ company!" I can see her calculating a big fat incentive she is soon to get by charging my insurance. Here, I am worrying about my tooth, with which, I am parting for good, and there, she had already started day dreaming about spending her perks at hawaii.

The most disconcerted wait period was over. A lady dressed in a ight blue net like gown over her dress lead me to a small 12X10 room assisting me to sit on "the chair". This was the last destination for my wisdom tooth. She tried to push an x-ray film in my mouth from all the possible angles, to take a last picture of my last loved one in the row. She could not succeed, got another lady with a different clip to bite on with an attached film in my mouth. Finally they accomplished the big job.

Again, I was left to spend few last minutes with my 30th alone.. Meanwhile, on the other side, both the ladies were setting up the doc Chopper Puller's tray with pliers and injections, and many more handyman's instruments which I don't even know the names of. I saw a big long injection of the length about 8 to10 inches. The masked man enters finally, lowers my back-rest and my chair to have my head in tilted position looking towards a ceiling. The nurse wrapped a bib like thingie around my neck. I obediently opened my jaw to the Dr. Chopper Puller displaying proudly and nervously my dearest tooth. He rubbed an anesthetic swab before he mercilessly poked a 3 inches long needle in my gum line, on my soft pallet surrounding my wisdom tooth. Again, I was left to witness / experience fading sensation of my tooth. The doc came in again, now all set for the action.

I opened my jaw as wide as I can. I closed my eyes from this moment on. The last picture I remember of seeing was of nurse, holding a suction tube, and doc with plier like instrument in his hands, both masked, wearing safety glasses. That was it! He was pulling my teeth out of my mouth as if a carpenter pulling a nail from wooden log. This struggle lasted for 3-4 minutes. Then, I saw him putting gauze in my mouth, asking me to bite hard on it for at least next 30 minutes. I was done! 5 minutes, and the surgery was done! I don't know what emotions I had, but it definitely was not a happy feeling. I walked to the front door after prepaying the amount they were to charge my insurance, with a post-op instructions in my one hand. and I was dragging myself to my car, gettting ready to drive in the rush hour bumper-to-bumper 5 miles an hour traffic for next 30-40 minutes holding blood and saliva mixture in my mouth , not letting it go down the throat. I just had a "surgery"...

The only good thing I remember about the whole episode is that the dr. chopper puller called me at home later in the night, asking me how I was doing while I was stirring soup in a pan on the stove..

I miss my 30th tooth, the WISDOM tooth...

Who Is Responsible?

2007-06-25T12:53:00.001-05:00

I was surfing through TV guide for a comedy show, and then I saw something India, and caught my attention. I was curious about what is "Slave Girls of India", which was supposed to be one whole hour show, and I swapped to the Oxygen channel. I assumed, it might be about child labor, and forcing girls to work as a laborers.

Even WORSE!!
It caused an acute pain in my heart when I saw what they showed. I started crying as the show was progressing: Slave Girls of India. They are trafficking 11-12 year old nymphs into the world's oldest trade, the trade of flesh-prostitution!!! Picking up girls from poor families from a villages which we have not even heard of, and trading them into brothels, at the age when they are supposed to play learn and have fun. These girls have no idea what is happening to them, they have no idea what are their rights, they have have no education, neither their parents have any education. These girls are from villages, where they have not heard of any machine yet.

It is our, "educated" mass of India's responsibility that these criminals be tried with law and executed. In this documentary I saw on Oxygen, they mentioned an organization called "STOP" which is rescuing and helping such underage girls from these evil establishments. I could not find any reference of this institution online when I thought of donating this organization directly..

This is such a heinous crime, and our corrupt government and cops are nourishing this slavery, it is well revealed in the the undercover video camera clips. When will my India stand up to these criminals???

agony or bliss ?

2007-05-17T11:57:00.000-05:00

How confident we feel to think that we are the makers of our own future!
I have realized in past and also realizing it now, that there is nothing in this world that we can control, except our own attitude.

I live in a loft style apartment, really cool one! it is sort of a separate unit, sharing one wall with my neighbor. and now, something happened that I will have to vacate it.

I am in love with this apartment. I have a patio, right on a small man-made pond. the so called bed room is upstairs, gives a feel of a house! I love this apartment during summers! I can sit on the steps at the pond in my patio, sipping through watermelon juice, that's one of my rituals during summer. handing out candies to those playing kids, chatting with neighbors while walking past the common entrance. I have two private entrances for my apartment! There are lesser amenities here, but the patio on the pond and slanting roof, huge windows flooding the whole place with sunrise were making up for it. I will have to give this up next week.

I then thought that I have two choices, either be in agony of leaving the apartment i am in love with for last 4 years or be optimistic about bigger kitchen, more amenities, and possibility of getting satellite dish for Indian channels!

I am more leaning towards the second choice :) , bit expensive though, I am realizing the cost of owning big screen tv, furniture, etc. It is expensive to move with all these stuff! thank god, I did not go for a couch yet, and got just settled with a futon!

this might also be symbolic, I am ready to welcome big changes in life, anticipating many more changes to come along the way.

I'm moving out on the memorial day long weekend, which starts on May 25. Ironically, this is also the date, my grandma passed away last year... may her soul be at peace. remembering her, I will start moving out...

Summer Ecstasy

2007-04-09T10:54:00.000-05:00

I'm waiting to get high on this summer ecstasy..

devil deccan

2007-01-23T13:01:00.000-06:00

They should change name to devil deccan from air deccan!

What a horrific experience, I could not believe a few blog entries i had read earlier. I thought everyone is well exaggerated! But NO, they wer cent percent correct! The website is a mess, while trying to book flight online, my valid card was getting rejected. Thinking that it might be internation card issue, I tried indian card. Same result!

I call up the customer service people. I needed 4 tickets, for to and fro journey for two. I could book both the flights for my brother after giving my celular company a business worth of 45 mins. And my tickets, don't even ask, I could get my return flight booked, but for booking the to flight, their stupid system was getting updated at the wee hours. devil deccan system did not like my to journey, to my amazement, they kept rejecting my valid card with which I bought other three tickets!

I got so frustrated, that I cancelled all the three tickets I could book successfully! and guss what, when i checked my card statement, devil deccan had charged my 3 times for the highest priced ticket!!! the refund customer service number is a pain in the *ss. I waited for 50 mins just to speak to an alive human being, and they kept me on phone for another one hour to tell me that they can not do anything, they could not find any record, since "their system is getting updated"!!! I swear, don't know what lunch i swallowed while waiting-speaking to the CS rep.

I swore that NEVER AGAIN try devil deccan!

I'm Back

2007-01-23T12:36:00.000-06:00

Friends,

I am back from my month long vacation! didn't feel like coming back :(
Lot of things happening, lot of life changing decisions are taking shape..

I am back in bloggers world again :)

Have a wonderful day!

How can we help Nisha?

2007-01-09T21:40:00.000-06:00

Nisha is a year and half old little girl growing up in an orphanage called Ashraya in Bangalore.
She does not even know that she has a cancer, Nisha has her 70% of the body covered with cancerous mole. She needs to be operated under seriese of surgeries before she turns two in Sept 2007.

A couple in USA wants to adopt her and take care of her. They have been trying to expedite all paper work for adoption since June of 2006! They were expecting to see her and love her in Feb 07, but now due to some court holidays in Bangalore rightnow, the paper work has been delayed by one more month!!

I asppeal on behalf the loving "to be" parents of Nisha that if in any way anyone can help to expedite her adoption, it will save this little one's life...

The parents have acquired a letter from a US Senat member recommending and appealing to expedite her adoption if that can help in any way.

I greatly appreciate any help..

Happy ThanksGiving!

2006-11-23T12:35:00.000-06:00

"Let us pray to the One who holds us
in the hollow of His hands,
To the One who holds us in the curve of Her arms, and
To the One whose flesh is the flesh of hills and
hummingbirds and angleworms,
Whose skin is the color of an old Black woman and
a young white man; and the color of the leopard
and the grizzly bear and the green grass snake,
Whose hair is like the aurora borealis, rainbows,
nebulae, waterfalls, and a spider’s web,
Whose eyes sometime shine like the Evening Star,
and then like fireflies, and then again like an
open wound,
Whose touch is both the touch of life and the touch
of death,
And whose name is everyone’s, but mostly mine.
And what shall we pray?
Let us say, ‘thank you.’”

-Max Coots

welcome our little angel

2006-11-08T12:27:00.000-06:00

Our dearest little angel,

You came to this world on Nov 2, 2006.
You are our angel, who has come to our family with blessings and joy.
We are very fortunate to have you here with us today and forever now. It is a blessing to watch you grow.
Welcome to the family, welcome to the world.
God Bless you with a long, healthy life filled with all the colors in the rainbow...
May you be blessed with knowledge, love, passion, joy and successs in this world.

Celebrating you,
your loving family

[ There is a new addition to our family, the first child in our family,
my sisi's cutest li'l daughter :) ]

Release Racket

2006-10-24T20:44:00.000-05:00

Scene 1:
She knows that she has to spare half an hour more for getting dressed up traditionally, if she decides to dress up. It was decided by colleague friends. There was a Diwali lunch arranged by non-cafeteria people (Thank God!!)
Midnight phone call from overseas for an hour and half, she doesn't want to wake up at 7 today, and also previous day swimming- another excuse to sleep longer. Waking up at 8 means, 9:30 at work! 9:30 is too late for the release today, but what the hell!

Scene 2:
Everyone is hovering over via all possible communication avenues, what is happening, what is left to be done, how much testing is done, what labels have been tested etc. She finds testing a mindless job! She kind of felt proud in passing the testing job to subordinates, it's their learning, and three's a company too! on the D-Day 3's a company finds out that the latest labels highly needed to be tested have some critical changes! This needs to be dug down, a laborious job, but has to be done! Someone wants her to close inspections for prev day release, someone wahts her to look at the change requests, in the middle of the her release racket! And the documentation work is still pending! and guess what, everyone else started at 11, for the Diwali lunch!

Scene 3:
Hurriedly she arrives, handling high heal pumps and a long walk(!!), a small car ride with her colleague and even longer walk(!!!!). A rare scene was in act- chit-chatting, casually mingling with work people! The work here has no space for casual casualities here when you join a group well known to be the busiest in the company. Being a center of attention is a piece of cake for her! The FOBs in the company were on a roll.
N: btw, it is A's birthday today!
Everyone: "Happy Birthday", "wish you Happiest Birthday"... Hap. B'day... B'day..
A: "Thank you".. "Thank you...".. "TY.."
N to everyone: " Did you know, he was born on the day Ravan was killed?"
Everyone: "Oh Really? That is Dussera!"
Everyone: "Hmmm, Diwali is the day Ram had entered Ayodhya, and Dussera is the day Ram had killed Ravan!"
N to A: "Don't worry A..., actually, you are making very good progress every year, your b'day's almost there, just a day before Diwali this time!"
N: "Good Job A...!"
Everyone had a good laugh.
"Say Cheese" here and there.

Scene 4:
She had to rush back for the royal finale! Prepare FAQs, a user manual, coordinate subordinates and resolve any issues they are having while testing.
AND, IT WAS OVER, FINALLY! And she, who likes to plan things ahead, had not even thougth what she'd do on friday evening! A friday date with self had been very relaxing, get unwound, have dinner, wish Diwali overseas, watch movie, and dream about the unusual Diwali celebration next day - Hiking, witnessing nature's the most beautiful colorful incarnation! I will cover this next episode of be-with-nature trip in my little sequel later:)

Happy Diwali!

2006-10-23T17:10:00.000-05:00

Happy Dussehra!!

2006-10-02T11:50:00.000-05:00

On this auspicious day of Dussehra, let our goodness, morality, righteousness win the evil.

Dhanlaxmi,
Dhanyalaxmi,
Dhairyalaxmi,
Shouryalaxmi,
Vidyalaxmi,
Karyalaxmi,
Vijayalaxmi,
Rajlaxmi,
May all the Ashta Laxmi shower Blessings on you on this Fortuitous day of Dussehra!

The Fifth Mountain:

2006-09-23T15:42:00.000-05:00

These are my favorites what Paulo has put in words in this book:

"everything will happen as was written by the lord." replied the prophet.
'there are moments in when tribulations occur in our lives, and we cannot avoid them. but they are there for some reason."
"what reason?"
"that is a question we cannot answer before, or even during, the trials. only when we have overcome them do we understand why they were there."

"i am afraid," the boy said insistently.
"that proves that you find joy in living. it's normal to feel fear at certain moments."

"why does he who made the world prefer to use tragedy to write the book of fate?"
"thou knowest not whereof thou speakest," the angel replied. "there is no tragedy, only the unavoidable. everything hath its reason for being: thou needest only distinguish what is temporary from what is lasting."
"what is temporary?" asked Elijah.
"The Unavoidable."
"and what is lasting?"
"The Lessons of the Unavoidable."

"Fear exists until the moment when the unavoidable happens," he told Elijah. "After that, we must waste none of our energy on it."

"If you have a past that dissatisfies you, forget it now," he went on. "Imagine a new story of your life, and believe in it. Concentrate only on those moments in which you achieved what you desired, and this strength will help you to accomplish what you want."

I DID IT!!!

2006-08-29T14:05:00.000-05:00

I did tandem sky diving on Saunday!!
it was AMAZING!!
One mile of free fall in the air at the speed of 120 mph !!!
It was just AWSOME, I'm gonna do it again..
I was not nervous or feared at all, just the first moment when the instructor opened cessna's door and asked me to peak out without holding anything, I overcame my resistance, and then I was all ready to fall :)

Have video taken, just have to figure out how to capture pics out of it..
will post pictures after I figure it out :)

Silver's Plicture Post Tag

2006-08-04T09:19:00.000-05:00

Pictures speaks louder! A very unique tag by my dear friend silverine ..

1.Most desired celebrity:

William Henry Gates
Comment: He is a living Microsoft God! I adore him for his success, his smartness, and his business foresightness, world's #1 businessman, world's the most richest person, he has many #1s! He inspires millions to be successful, though everyone envies him ;)

2.Want to do this some day:

Exploring the Himalayas (Again): I need to take a looooong vacation for this :)
Comment: Himalayas always fascinate me, I love mountaineering, and No other place is better than the Himalayas for sould rinsing...

Solo Sky Diving: It might happen this year!
Comment: The ONLY thing I am afraid of is my ears.. My eardrums can not cope up with atmospheric pressure drop easily, It reminds me of the near death experience, I feel like my brain will pop out of my ears, the worst pain one can imagine...

3.Want to visit this place

The Parthenon:
Comments: One of the seven wonders of the ancient world! History has been my one of the passions, I want to witness how our ancenstors lived, want to just sit quitely and stare at one of the most thoughtful and complex architecture, want to remember the people for whom this place was a part of their daily routine, want to remember the history this building has witnessed..

The Eiffel:
Comments: I want to wander through the streets of Paris at night, a date on a bridge on the river Seine after the sun has set, a stroll at night at the eiffel tower. Paris has been one of the most romantic places I can imagine of..

The Australia:
Comments: On a pristine, unmanned oceanfront, watching sunset and sun rises on shorelines, backpacking in the austrailian forests, an opera at the Sydeny Opera House.. and lots of pictures!

4.Random Favorite

Serenity:
Comment: I love this picture, imagining being this kid, with closed eyes on a luminous summer afternoon, with splashing water all around..
That is why I gave a title to this picture - Serenity :)

5. I was tagged by Silverine

Comment:She is a very sweet and interesting girl, I like being tagged by her :)
Post the picture of the place where you were tagged, and if you picked up the tag yourself then the picture of the place you picked it from.

I tag anyone who wants to take this tag!

Terror Strikes, Again in Mumbai

2006-07-12T13:38:00.000-05:00

My sympathy and prayers with all the Mumbaiites..

Lucky enough my brother that he was not in Mumbai on the day there were blasts.
And Lucky enough our families and friends in Mumbai that everyone is safe.

United We stand.. I am so proud and delighted that strangers helped strangers yesterday in Mumbai.

I hope Mumbaiiites get justice soon.

May God Bless Mumbai.

A Tribute to My Dadima...

2006-05-25T14:19:00.000-05:00

LabhKunvar was born in 1919 in Jamnagar, the first born in the family. She was the eldest of 6 sisters. Back then, education for girls was not that popular, but she did go to the school, upto highschool. She was gifted, she sang quite well even without any formal music/singing training. Once, she sang a welcome song for the king of the Jamnager from her school, and the king got so happy that he gave her a gold ring with a precious jewel. which she proudly wore for rest of her life.

LabhKunvar got married at the age of 15-16. Her husband was from another state. Back then Surendranagar was another state! She went to her husbands place after 1-2 years after the marriage. He was a scholar, very close to the king of Surendranagar. He accompanied king everywhere. He went to Oxford for studies, while his wife was back home with his folks. LK was quite bold and of contemporary thinking. No one could mess with her. She was the most assertive and strongest woman I have ever seen in my life which I till date admire. Her husband was not always home, since he was studying in UK with the king, and here, she could not take her in-laws anymore. She wanted to move out and have an individualistic lifestyle. I totally support her decision. I am an individualistic person, I believe in having privacy, and having a freedom to do whatever and whenever I want.

She had a baby daughter. Her husbad comes back after a year or so after she was born, and this baby girl was his the most dearest possession, he used to take her on bicycle! after a couple of years, LK was expecting again, and when it was almost due, her husbad passed away at a very unfortunate young age... people sometimes say it was a political murder, with some kind of slow poisoning. Her husband was very loving, simple and simple minded and very intelligent man. He was a PhD in Psychology from Oxford. He wrote couple of books too. Will write on him some other time... If I would imagine myself in LK's posion, I would feel devastated, in early 1940s. Her inlaws asked her to move back with them, she did for a while, but she did not find it very encouraging. She moved back to Jamnagar with her children to her parent's place, she sharted studying again, she did PTC, and became a teacher. After finishing up her studies, she came back to her destined place, the same place, she had left. She was teaching History, geography and Guajarati to primary and highschool school kids.

What I remember from her saying, they had a very tough life, you have to wake up early in the morning, go out in the forest for your disposing off your body waste, Take a bath in river before people wake up, wash clothes on the river banks, fetch water from the well located at the end of the town/village, fill up your water for your daily needs, come home, cook for family. Back then, everyone had brick and clay mortar houses, with tiles on the roof. The floor was of cattle dung. They have to go and fetch cow dung, for multi purposes- you can dry it up and use it in a oven klin for cooking. The economic structure was not this much classified back then, everyone had every skills to survive. She used to floor her house herself! with cow dung!, she used to re-tile her roof, herself! It needs lot's of inner strength to survive like she did.

She was my Grand-ma, we called he Dadima. I lived with her for 25 years of my life, in the same house. She passed away last week...

We used to sleep with her, for so many years! She would tell us stories. I remember my brother, when young, always on her back to tell him stories. We used to tease her with 'Dadi amma, dadi amma, maan jao' song to get her to do whatever we wnat!

She was our savior when someone would bully us! I remember all of us three asking dadima at different point of times, if she would come to school with because someone was bullying. She was the rescuer! Just her presence was enough for the bullying kid! I remember, once, I was not aware that my dadima was visiting school, probably she stopped by to just to see our teachers,a nd get updates may be. And someone from my class saw her, and told her that some girl was hitting me. and that's it! I was not even present in my class, was next door or somewhere for some reason, she came running to my class, asked for that girl, and asked her why she was hitting her grand daughter..!! and I don't remember her hitting me again ever after!

She would take us to children's plays, bakor patel, chako mako etc. She was our outdoors companion! She would take us to the magic shows. I still remember having fun with her. When my mom-dad would not be home, she would make 'Bhajiyas' and chutney. She was a master in making bhajiyas! I remember, she would sit on the kitchen countertop, on a wooden step, called "Patlaa", dipping sliced vegetables into gram flour batter, and frying bhajiyas, serving us warm from the wok!

I remember, when we would go out in the city, she would take us to her fvorite ice-cream shop, and we will have at least two different kinds of ice-creams! I also remember, whenever she would come back from any trip, out of town visit, she would bring a dozen of cadbury chocolate bars for us kids. I can not forget how we- my sis, brother, mom-dad and I would go to pick her and her 'sakhi'- cousine sister from morari bapu's katha. (katha is reading of religious books, may it be mahabharata or ramayana or purana.) The katha usually goes on for days, morning to evening, and she used to go very religiously.

During summertime, we would make mango juice, it's a very traditional process, without using any electrical appliance. we would squeeze mango without making any cut on a mango skin to make it softer, until u feel it's all juice inside the mango juice, and then squeeze it in a big pot. after squeezing all the mangoes, she would take over, washing mango seeds and the skin. the water in which she would wash mango remains, we heat it up, and add spices, anf make a gravy, called 'fajeto'.

she would play cards with us, during our summer vacation. Her favorite card game was 'satya' which she would call 'satyo'. after we grew up, we had separate rooms, and before going to bed, she would do her 'sayonara' ritual. all of us wish good night, and godbless each other, and to my dadimaa, we would wish one more, sayonara, that is what was her thing. I don't remember when this tradition started..

My parents didn't believe in pocket money. So, during my school life, we never had pocket money to spend, and neither did we ask, we didn't feel need to, since, my parents were fulfilling all our reasonable wishes. Sometimes, my dadimaa would give us Rs.2 to have samosas for lunch, back then, we used to get 1 samosa for 50 Paisa. So, ideally if we would have spent money, we would get 4 samosas, but I liked multi colored, inexpensive local candy. I used to buy this candies, and have it while teacher would teach us, it was an adventure for me, since eating in school was not allowed except lunchbreaks. The amount stayed Rs.2 regardless of inflation. Later on, the samosas were selling for 80 paisa or even Rs.1! and she was still our favorite bank!

She had diabetes later on, but she took it quite well, she required to take insuline injections, and she learnt how to inject herself! I can not even look at a syringe, when someone else is poking it into my arms, she would do it herself! My dad, mom, sister would help her too. I don't remember her being bed ridden for long, even when last year when I visited home, every morning, she would take her walking stick, and walk around the house in the garden around, sit under the mango tree shadow, read all three newspapers, sipping her tea. She would go to temple in the evening, she was very regular about it. Since last few months, she did not walk to the temple, my dad or my brother or my sis would drop her off and pick her up to and from the temple. She was quite religious. When I was young, I remember her in front of a small temple in our house, and performing pooja, chanting, and doing rosary.

She was very innocent. I particularly remember this incident- I was not putting oil in my hair on at all, so my dadimaa asked someone about it, and someone just joked about it saying they punish you in USA if you put oil in your hair! And she believed it! She asked me once I ws visiting home if that's true.. I was laughing and explained her how someone fooled her. She took it well, she also started laughing!

In our house, she was the one who would be an authority of Vikram Samvant (calendar), any day, festival, on what day, date, it is falling, she was our google. We all would ask her, when is Diwali, when is Navaratri. We also called the calendar she used to get, dadimaa's calendar!

Dadimaa left this world on early morning of May 25, around 2 am.. remembering all of us.. she was satisfied that all her grand kids are happy.. I regret, I could not speak to her before she passed away.. my sister, dad and mom were with her when she left this earth.. Only satisfaction I have is she didn't suffer much, unlike many.. she had her last dinner herself, sitting in her bed, and eating with her own hands, with a satisfaction of living her life at the fullest, and satisfaction of fulfilling all her responsibilities.. She knew she is going to leave, she refused to take any medication for her last two days, and refused to take insuline, she refused to go to the hospital, she wanted be at home, she also told my brother that now, it was her time to go to god's home.. I am having hard time to believe that she gave up on herself.. she knew this time.. she prayed with my whole family around (except my brother who was out of town, and myself) before going to sleep, she also had holy water- Ganga Jal. Before she went to sleep, she called my sister, and spoke to her about all of us three kids, and showed happiness that everyone is happy and settled, though away from home. My dad witnessed her last breath.. Her mother or father whoever you may call, was LabhKunwar, and she was no more... I miss you dadimaa, very much.. we are very proud of you.. we love youvery much.. we always will remember you dadima, wherever you are, you are still alive in our hearts.. we will always seek your blessings, just like oldtimes.. May you rest in peace, in god's own home..

my 5s!!

2006-04-25T10:46:00.000-05:00

My top 5s, it's tagging season, and I am also not spared :) thanks to Alexis Leon and Geo :)

It's a looooong post, so hold your horses :):D

As Silverine has pointed out, these tags are kind of confessions, which, I believe, brings us human beings together.

here it goes:

5 people who top your sh*t list….. and why:

1. one jerk I knew who manipulated any relatinship for his own selfish purpose, who constantly lied, I would never forgive this one human aka monster being. It's so difficult for me to believe that this guy has no conscience. Earth would be much more lighter if people like him never existed. Funny coincidence is the meaning of this person's name if spelled in english also means sh*t !!

I usually don't hate anyone, but sometimes, I can have situational hate for a person, and usually it's temporary. the rest of my list is not on one specific human being.. And i would not call hate, I would call them my dislikes, or annoyance. Hate would be too harsh of a word for these:

2. I am a staunch capitalist, I believe people make as much money as they deserve, I don't like people who blame riches for their poverty. I believe that they are poor, because they don't earn it.
3. any undeserving person getting to the top in politics just because he/she is a wife/son/daughter of someone successful.
4. I hate anyone who is driving at or below the speed limit just to play smart in the left most lane when all the other lanes are empty>> this really irritates me, these grandpas MUST drive in the rightmost lane, it's for them!
5. anyone who keeps 1 mile distance between his vehicale and the vehicle ahead of him in the rush hour traffic, this really pisses me off.

Close brushes with death/danger:

To be frank, i feel i have had many brushes with severe danger / death. I am quite an adventurist, and I am not feared of anything, and if I come to realize I am feared of something, i would put myself into that fear purposefully, and will try to overcome that fear.

1. When I was 10 months old, my pediatrician had asked my parents to do whatever last rituals they wanted to do for me. I was put on an ice slab, since my body temperature was not budging from 105 deg F for a few days and my stomach was swelling up of fluid retention, and I was not eating anything!

2. When in my 2nd grade, in the evening when my mid year exam just got over, just a day before diwali vacation, I was busy celebrating freedom from studies with firing fire crackers with other kids. At the same time, some great uncle decided to give his scooter to his 14 yr old nephew to try it out, and guess what?? he tried it out on me, dragging me for a couple of feet with his scooter! I was severly injured on my face, on my cheek, my upper lip got teared in two halves, my nose was cut in two halves... god knows for how long I had passed out.. my parents had gone to the market for groceries shopping, and our neighbors took me to the hospital. My parents later told me that they were praising me that I did not cry inspite of such a grave injury.. and I cried only when I saw my parents.. I very clearly remember that I didn't and don't remember anything that happened to me. All I remember is a faint image of a lit up sparkle stick in my hand, and next image I have is of my head in someone's lap on some kind of a seat, don't remember if it was a car seat on the back or ambulance or a nearby dispensary bench. the next thing I remember is I was in a specialist hospital where I asked my mom to show me my face in the mirror. upon my parents' asking the doctor how many stiches he took on my face, he said that even he didn't count them! With God's grace, I still have my beautiful face inspite of 14 yr old's scooter adventure :)

3. I have had many more accidents, I don't know, there's something with me and any vehicle I drive (oops, my secret is out :( ) None of them were as severe as above mentioned though. My all knees and elbows and feet are at least 2 to 3 times injured from all sides! these were now my fault, believe me! per say, once I had to choose between a herd of buffaloes, a truck and a huge ditch in a huge water puddle, and I made the same decision any sensible driver would make, since, any two wheeler would not go in a reverse direction, I decide to steer to the big ditch with water puddle!

4. when I realized that aforementioned toplisted in the hatelist son of a b* also played with me. I had never felt so helpless in mylife, and I swear to god, I will not feel like this ever in my life, I will rather make other people helpless when it would come to making me helpless. This is not really death brush, but I put the severity of my feelings in this category.

5. This is also not a brush with death, but I put myself in grave danger on my first day in USA, with deciding to chage my university at the port of entry, with no one to receive me at a deserted domestic airport at my new final destination, with 39 hrs of straight air travel+waiting, starving with severe ear pain during and after flights, and no sleep, I chose to go with a visibly south asian origined father and a son strangesrs, though knowing that they were from our dearest neighborhood, instead of some huge african american fella dragging my luggage to god-knows-where with realizing more of his buddies around. At this moment, I used the principle of known, at least i knew what pakistan was!

5 Preferable modes of suicide, in descending order:

I don't believe in commiting suicide, it is running away from the reality. But, this kind of thoughts may come to one's mind when person is really low, and feeling hopeless and helpless. I would rather seek some professional help instead of commiting suicide if I ever get into this mode. I believe in fighting, not accepting defeat without fighting.

but, whenever I had thought about diff modes, the sleeping death always sounds better option, taking lots of sleeping pills.

no more to add here..

5 Guilty pleasures:

I have never felt guilty of anything I have done or anything I have been doing! No Regrets! And, I am proud of it!

5 things you never want to forget:

1. My Family. I can never forget my family. My family is my the first priority, no matter what.

2. The day I graduated in the presence of my parents, with already having a well paid job. I had never felt this successful and happier in my life before :)

3. The day my sis got married, but I do want to forget crying part of the wedding..

4. My diwali celebration in the year 2005 with my family after a very long time.

5. Our family road trips to diff parts of India during my school years.

5 things you wish to forget:

1. I feel that I did not play my role as a friend cum sister to my sis, I was a shy, reserved, ambitious girl, and by my not creating a comfortable environment with my sis to share everything in her life with me, and that she had to seek friends to open herself :( :( and when she needed me the most, I was all the way in a different part of the world, when I always cared very much for my family.. I am being very careful of not repeating this again now!

2. As a part of training, and also convincing my sis, we enacted how someone would grab a kid from behind and kidnap- with my li'l brother, and the poor soul started crying and sobbing on the road... till the date, I feel very bad about this, though I had good intentions behind this..

3. Once when I was probably in 1st or 2nd grade, I had stolen a unattended lipstick which belogned to someone else, at a family function. My parents found it out and to my surprize and grave scare, I got a good scolding when I thought I was gonna get a corporal. I wish I would have never stolen it. since then, I have never stolen anything. It took me lot of courage to say this btw..

4. My time, I wasted with the aforementioned selfish jerk, I wish, I would have never met that jerk.

5. 2nd day after I had a abdominal laparoscopic surgery, when I was in grave pain, I could barely speak, and could barely get out of my bed, one of my close, respected relatives who was implying that I am not helping them in housechores enough. I moved out the very next day and I managed everything by myself and with some help from my friends alone.

5 really exotic dishes you have tried:

1. Anything I cook :)

2. my loving dear friend's spinach+coconut+garlic dish... mmmm yum yum!!

3. My mom's many of the speciality dishes :)

4. The pizza we used make at home with loads of amul cheese!!!

5. I's not dish but it gives me a kick like any other exotic dish whenever I have it; sweetlime juice.. :)

5 crushes/loves in your life… in chronological order

1. Salman Khan, I still like him, He has the perfect looks, dances really well, and he's quite stylish.
2. My classmate kid from my highschool, he also had a crush on me, which couldn't go any far, since he moved out to another country very soon.
3. Saif Ali khan in Parineeta, looks so goood in this movie..
4. John Abrahm, recently, he looks very dashing, good height, square jaw, long hair :)
5. keanu reeves, tom cruise, russell crowe.

Strangest dream you ever had:

Oh my god, I wish I will never have to see this dream again :(
I woke up with a dream in which the last scene I remember was- I was crying, sobbing in a very lonely but green place, away from city, in some balcony on a farm filled with dried crop, for my dad.. ( I, right at this moment, also feel very bad even to say this out :(:( ) on the news that he was no more :(:( And the freakiest coincidence was, when I was watching this dream in one part of the world, at the same time, in the other part of the world, my dad had met with an accident... It was soooo scary... I pray I will never have to see this dream again...

5 most valued personal possessions:

1. My family
3. my car.. now, I'm getting used to scartches :(
3. phone- any, cellular, land-line or work.
4. my friends
5. my clothes and accessories, love it! sometimes, it can take 20-30 mins while rushing to the work in mornings to make a perfect dress up to suit my mood :) I dress according my mood. One day, i can be as sharply dressed as a hollywood actress and on other day, I can be a senselessly and tastelessly dressed lassie who does not want any attention, more like, leave me alone!

5 favorite superheroes….. and why:

I am not into magical or mythical characters, neither am I into cartoons, I find it childish. but I don't judge anyone as childish who is crazed about 'em. I rather don't judge anyone. So, my list of super heroes goes this real:

1. Bill Gates - how he became the richest man in the world, though themost of us, including myself support no-microsoft thought-line.
2. Warren Buffett - How smartly and toughtfully he invested, and made his fortune.
3. Mahatma Gandhi - inspite of coming from an average background, he could manage the shrewedst, lead the entire country and even mohammad ali jinnah followed him! He got us freedom with a concept of non-violent resistance!!! He mesmerized the masses with his one word! The Most Successful Leader ever in this world!! I have not known any other such a great leader, though I feel he had made a few mistakes. but I can undermine them, he was a human being, not god, and may be if I were in his place, I would have taken the same decisions.
4. Atal Bihari Vajpayee - The best orator I have ever heard, and the best present day politician I have known.
5. Narayn Murthy - starting with $10000 bank balance, how successfully he has made his dream- infosys come true.

I am tagging and jithu :) (I know, what's coming next from you... ohhh Nooo, not again :P) and anyone else interested into this self revelation!

Another Tag!!

2006-04-16T08:33:00.000-05:00

Here is another tag...thanks to Geo :)

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find line 4.
Composite Index, is quoted nearly as widely as the Dow Jones Industrial Average

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
yeah, I did.. and now I feel like stretching even more, and now thinking of doing yoga :)

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Havn't watched tv in a while.. but, I think last time i watched was 3-4 days back, when I could not sleep in the middle of a night- some episode of Fresh Prince of Bell-Air.

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
8:30 AM?

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
8:35 AM
Yay!! pretty close :)

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Nothing, absolutely nothing :(

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
last evening, went out to a south indian restaurant for dinner

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
my hotmail, yahoo and work inboxes to see if it says: 'you've got mail' from someone i might get.. and noooo I did not get any email from anyone :(:(
And ofcourse Geo’s blog to copy this tag…

9. What are you wearing?
I'm still in PJs, itz Sunday !!

10. Did you dream last night?
Don’t remember anything now…

11. When did you last laugh?
was yesterday when I met my friends from prev work, and were discussing about getting Farmer's insurance for my post accident car insurance shopping. They send mags on tractors and cows and all other farm related stuff. hell lot of laughs on why vibes should get a cow sell off his mazda miata, and not worry about gas or environment, and biodegradability!! and how he can make an exclusive deal wih Farmers insurance so they can not insure Lalu Prasad Yadav, and how he can go to multiplex on 'chal meri cow' and park it in a preferred parking spot :D:D

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A greek male and a female characters in a painting, and a poster to boost myself :)

13 Seen anything weird lately?
Nope

14. What do you think of this quiz?
hmm.. it's fun, thanks to Geo :)

15. What is the last film you saw?
Taxi 9211

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Good question… mazda 6, I already have it :)) so the list goes like this:
around the world trip,
a charter plane so that I can hop into it whenever i feel like visiting india :)
and some business to invest and make more money :)

17. Tell me something about you that I dunno.
I was a topper too.
Any success has not come to me easily, I have rather earned it.
I appreciate good people, things that comes along my way

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I am not very opimistic that one person can change the entire world, so I give up, I can change only myself, and I'll start with that!

19. Do you like to dance?
oh yes, vey much.. love it!

20. George Bush.
to sum it up- George W Bush, the president of the un-united world

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Haven't thought of a name yet

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Haven't thought this either :-S

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I am living abroad, but not sure if I wanna stay here for ever..

24.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
My child, I love you, come to me and give me a big hug

25. 5 people who must also do this meme in their journal.
Alexis Leon,Jithu, Silverine, Lorena, Sid, and anyone else who is interested :)

chewing gum- call it the STICKY gum!

2006-04-03T20:23:00.000-05:00

A chewing gum, how much fun can it be?

well, health mags say that it's good for your gums, breath and teeth, and to be frank, chewing gum helps me stay awake when i'm driving late sometimes. but what they never tell you is how bad/worse/worst it can be!

An accident because of the legendary "CHEWING GUM"! Yes, it's the chewing gum, and I ended up being in fault, when it should be this gum!

I had to give up on one of my formals once!
Innocent I believed that all the place in the world are 'chewed' gum free, and I sit on a step at a very happening place in the summer, and guess what! My 'stark' black skirt was not just black anymore, my skirt did not want to get separated from the concrete steps I was sitting, and the cementing element was again, the legendary- chewed wrigley, contributing to wrigley's wealth, and showing off the execution of the univeral right to free spit!

on my carpet, I have this wrigely, never letting me forget it's existance, thanks to it's journey from nobody-knows-from-where to my shoes and to my carpet!

Well, back to the accident caused by this wrigley-
the cop thinks it's my fault, and he also issued me a ticket :(
it was wrigley, but the cop is not ready to listen to me.

somehow someone's free gum spit right execution ended up under my right shoe sole, which is the only foot I use for driving my auto/manual transmission mazda. I was getting annoyed by my sticky foot a.k.a. sticky gas paddle/break paddle.

I approach a stop light, seeing from far, was red. nearer I get, it turns green, with another car in front of me, with good safe distance between us. He slowed down, so did I, and since he was the only one in his lane with no one in his front, I presumed that he is going to speed up, since, the light is now green, and he will match the speed limit of 40mph.

How wrong my judgement was! I decided to give a quick attention to my anoyance without increasing my speed, the shoe sole, to find out what is going on with this stickiness, why this stickiness! And rest is not at all golden history :(

my fault, the first "TICKET" in my 3 years of driving history, a crack on my front bumper on my 2.5 yrs old car :( and a small dent on rear bumper of the other car with my insurance going higher next year..

you tell me now- who should be prosecuted?

Right Judgement?

2006-04-01T13:46:00.000-06:00

What is right and what is wrong? It's the question disturbing me today. One thing I have learnt is that when you are confused, and in a moment, DO NOT DECIDE. I don't trust my decisions when I am confused or in a moment, I also start doubting my past rationality, My own logic would prove my past decisions very non-rational, emotioanlly taken!

What seems right to me , does not seem right to other people. And I get shaken, because, I have been proven wrong at times (and I still don't believe I was wrong! Heights of positivity, or ego??)

But still, I am of the personality, I can not rely on others' judgment. I can not follow others perception, I get suffocated even if I think of following it. Not even my parents' !

I am in a middle of this moment rightnow, thinking, why world is not simpler, why things get so complicated..

I would remember what my favorite cousin, my big sister, keeps telling me- There is no right or wrong thing, it's just a choice, you can choose better! I like that. But again, it is a very difficult job- to choose better.

I bet, you got this very right- that I am a gravely confused mind righnow.. will get over it soon though.

His Universe

2006-03-24T23:10:00.000-06:00

My first poetic piece:

HIS UNIVERSE

I just can not take my mind off
and feel so embellished
and so fortunate
that I have him
that how he greets me
off the work,
recommence our day
cold winter out
flurrries dancing in the wind
two arms wide open
waiting to embrace his universe
his universe, me

Women of the World

2006-03-20T21:39:00.000-06:00

I used to wonder when I was younger that if everyone sees things just the way I see, if everyone thinks like I do, if everyone has feelings like I do.

I realized it later that yes, everyone can, at that moment I realized I got matured! It's such a beautiful realization! Realization that you understand more than you used to! you don't need any proof for this, it just comes to you, with experiences, with age.

I was very fortunate to get showered with love, care, fun we can think of during my childhood. Not many women are so fortunate in this world.

I was reading Jithu 's blog and started thinking on being a woman in this world. It's not easy to be a woman! I hear from many guy friends of mine that if they were given a choice, they'd have selected to be a woman, because women's life is so easy and simple! These dear friends of mine have not seen all the facets a woman has to go through, that's all I can say.

We just celebrated women's day a few days ago, but this world needs much much more than that. I just read about this little lady- Gulsoma, I was tearing by the time I reached the end of the ARTICLE. These women need our support, I can not even think of the things she went thru during her 4 to 11 years of age period. May god bless her.

I was watching Dr. Wayne Dyer's Inspiration lecture series on TV recently, they had a woman- Immaculee Ilibagiza from Rawanda in the spotlight, who survived the Rawandan holocust for 3 months without any physical movement, starving in a bathroom.

Eleven-year old Gulsoma from the above mentioned article, Immaculee make us realize that the world is not a dreamland we think of.

The least we can do, contribute to a cause of woman's day is send some warm supporting words to them..

Quotable Quotes

2006-03-18T14:16:00.000-06:00

The secret to success is consistency to purpose

-- Benjamin Disraeli

For they can conquer who they believe they can.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.

-- Helen Keler

"Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on going."

-- Michael C. Muhammad

"When we see ourselves in a situation which must be endured and gone through, it is best to make up our minds to it, meet it with firmness, and accommodate everything to it in the best way practicable. This lessens the evil, while fretting and fuming only serves to increase your own torments."

-- Thomas Jefferson, 3rd U.S. President

"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."

-- Martha Washington, First American First Lady

the secret behind victoria's secret?

2006-02-22T20:33:00.000-06:00

question - posed by a man - who else?

If there were no men on earth - would there still be a Victoria's Secret?

My Perfect Love

2006-02-06T08:51:00.000-06:00

Geo has passed me this baton. I usually don't get into this passing the ball game, but recently I had been reviewing my own ideas on my dream guy. And, it's a nice co-incidence that when I was thinking of what I'm looking for, I was asked to present my views on my blog, and that's why I decided to write!

1. Patience patience patience - lots of patience - Anger is the worst enemy
2. Caring and loving - I should be the first priority, no matter where, what, when, why, how
3. should be a good listener and a talker which would be very good combination.
4. Should be independent and confident - should not depend on others to decide for himself
5. Should enjoy even a silliest joke we share, should also be able to savour even a smallest moment with me; sharing is the key, should share with me as much as possible.
6. should be quite flexible. should not feel ashamed in saying "I'm sorry" if he has to.
7. decent looking, original, respecting others, with clear mind about what he wants in his life, and of course, earning!
8. sensitive to my feelings and needs. A quality time with me is very important to me.

In short, a guy, who makes me feel like his queen! :)

I came across this last week, and it's quite interesting:

Perfect 10
"My great-aunt wrote a list of the 10 most important things in a marriage, and she gave it to me. It read:

10. Patience
9. Kindness
8. Patience
7. Communication
6. Patience
5. Caring
4. Patience
3. Patience
2. Love
1. Patience

First of all, this couldn't be more true. Second, an 80-year-old woman made up a top-10 list; how funny is that?"
--Beth Power

I'd like to pass this on to Lorena and Sid, but, no hassle, only if they wish to get tagged.

even a queen needs company

2006-01-23T20:54:00.002-06:00

Weekends, here in the US, people live only for these two days, two days that start on a Friday night and end on the Sunday morning. And, then the poeple go back to their anticipation of the coming week ahead and to the next wekend and to their next instalment of Monday blues - already from Sunday morning!

And so here I was all alone with one more of these 'Sundays', the supposedly 'fun days'! I was expecting it to be a funfilled day, with a few close friends, cooking and having dinner with me. The day started late with the hangover of the previous saturday nights' fun - with me waiting to hear from the invited.

Routine weekend cleaning chores were in motion, and here I was - also running out of patience. I finally decided to call my guests to get headcount for the evening. Since I was multitasking, I continued on the one hand with my cleaning sweep and on the other hand, conversing on the phone.

And all the while with the phone in my hand, I ws thinking why I should be the one to call? I mean, if I were invited to a dinner, I would have felt honoured by the very invitation itself! And the least I could do or, even, would do is to respond to the invitation - with a yes, no, even a simple 'maybe?' Something?

Anyway, the absence of a call was an answer by itself. Their drop out rate was 60%- too much for me to take. It made me feel that people did not respect invitations any longer, and I would seriously have to think the next time before I would invite them for a fun dinner or, for that matter any dinner at my castle.

Somehow, later, in the evening, their absence did not even matter. Because the 40% that were present had an evening that was jazzing, rocking, hard rocking with feel good chitchatting. And, this 40% were composed of about 77 and one half chips of tortilla scoops that were interacting with a bowlful of the legendary guacamole and about thirty separate musicians - each trying to make us believe that their song was better than the one we had just heard!

But we were not bothered. Each song was better than the last because it was not the songs outside of us that made the evening alive but the songs within.

within our hearts and in our minds and in each and every one of those chips [tortilla, remember?] that I have mentioned before.

believe me - when the heart is happy even tortilla chips can sing...

and the queen was no longer lonely...

Pl. Send Back the Clémenceau >>

2006-01-16T12:48:00.000-06:00

SEND LETTER TO the President of France here: GREENPEACE .

Imagine you're the State of France. What do you do with a 27,000-tonne warship full of asbestos, PCBs, lead, mercury, and other toxic chemicals, which you don't want and no European country is willing or able to scrap for you? Why, you send it off to India to be broken up by hand in a scrapyard where impoverished workers are injured and die every day.

Greenpeace worked hard many years ago to implement the Basel Convention, an international treaty which prohibits the export of hazardous waste from rich to poor countries. The Basel Convention is a way to end the terrible practice of using non-OECD countries as cheap dumping grounds for dangerous wastes which are expensive to treat properly in the OECD countries where they originated.

The Latest on The Clémenceau Here .

For more info, click here: Google News .

My heaven on the earth

2006-01-09T13:34:00.001-06:00

A Gateway to the Heaven, my heaven!

A Dusk at the Vindhyachals

A lone tree amid waters

Thumbs Up!
Taste the Thunder!

A small hiking wonder :)

some day, someone was waiting here for someone..

A world haritage monument near the same small wonder.

Did you do something about it?

2005-12-22T10:33:00.000-06:00

I was reading comments on one of the Jithu's blogs and I got this inspiration to write about this:

I saw Yuva movie, i think last year, in the theater, and at the end of the movie, I was hoping that our yuth would get a message this movie sends out. our indian people complain about politics this and corruption that, and our police system another that! I would like to ask the same question to those complaining, whining people: ok, so what do you do about it? What is your effort to make these systems right? They- the self proclaimed "elites", would not even go to cast their vote where they directly can do something about it! and the more interesting thing is, they would take pride in not casting any vote!! Do these people have any right to whine?

I had seen this commercial on tv sometimes ago on tv: They show in girls' bathroom in some college dorms, and one of the sink taps was running without any person around it. Everyone gathers around that sink and starts complaining- ooh, someone left this tap running.. ohh, it's so wrong.. it's such a waste of natural resources.. and just kept gossiping-murmering-complaining. and finally there comes one bold girl and just turns the tap off! and the caption comes on the screen: "don't complain, do something about it. did you do something about it?"

Home Sick..

2005-12-01T09:00:00.000-06:00

Oh my god, how much do I miss India! I had such a wonderful time there! And now back in very cold, very short day altitude, alone :(
I wish to go back home some day for good. And I think, I will. I realized how much my family misses me and how much I miss them :( I don't want to see my mom-dad-sis-bro every 2 years, I do want to celebrate all my holidays with them, in a traditional way. I swear to god, I was so surprized to see highways there! I loved driving there, though traffic was still a bit messy. I loved to sit under trees, read news paper, have some snacks in light breeze, half sun, half shadowy, where you don't have to worry about putting of hundred things before stepping outside of your door. you can have hundreds of varieties of fresh juices. Here in America, I don't know why, the concept of fresh juice is lots of ice blend with some fruite :( which I don't enjoy as much. Go to multiplex, go to malls, oh yeah, malls in India! Everythihng, one can imagine, is there in India. I surely wanna go back to my roots one day. going out for books shopping at crosswords with brother, going out for shopping with sis, going out for trekking, going out to places with cousins and brother and sis, spending time with cousins, it's a la grande! I and my brother made rangoli together :) didn't finish it though, had to redo once, and both of us got very tired, and in the evening, it was Diwali time! Oh my god, how much do I miss home...

Rangoli, I and my brother made..

Hasta la Vista

2005-10-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

hello friends, I might be little irregular at least for a month now, since, I'm going on my the most awaited vacation finally! Yes, I am visiting my home town, seeing my family! I don't promise, but I try to find time to visit ya all..

Happy Diwali and Happy Halloween to ya all!
Go Chicago WHite Sox!! Congratulations White Sox, you did it !!

Hasta la Vista

Navratri

2005-10-07T15:30:00.000-05:00

Navratri!

Navratri is one of the main celebrations in India. Worshipping Shakti- Amba, Durga, Kali, SarsWati, Gayatri or just called Maa - as Mother. The Sanskrit word Navratri is composed of joining two words: Nava + Ratri ‘nine nights’, Sanskrit language is very powerful ancient language, one can join words, one can make own words. About Sanskrit, some other time though!

Navratri is worshipping Shakti, literal meaning is Power. This nine-day period from the new moon day to the ninth day of Ashvina month is considered the most auspicious time of the Vikram Samvant year (Hindu Calendar) and is the most celebrated time of the year. Although it has different names in different parts of India, it is celebrated by Hindus from all regions. From Kashmir in the north to Tamil Nadu in the south, and from Gujarat in the west to Sikkim in the east, it is celebrated with great enthusiasm as the conquest of good over evil. Every region has its own myths and reasons to explain this.

The nine different aspects of Devi (Godess) or Shakti are worshipped over the nine days. These are the most popular forms under which she is worshipped: Durga: goddess beyond reach; Bhadrakali the auspicious power of time; Amba or Jagdamba: mother of the world; Annapurna: giver of food and plenty; Sarvamangala: auspicious goddess; Bhairavi: terrible, fearful, power of death; Chandika or Chandi: violent, wrathful, furious; Lalita: playful; and Bhavani: giver of existence. The festivities culminate on the tenth day, called variously Vijayadashmi, Dushehra or Dassain when people in most parts of the country burn effigies of Ravana, Meghanatha and Kumbhakarna (see also Dushehra). Some people fast on all nine days, eating only fruit and milk dishes. Some fast only on the eighth or ninth day.

Maa Durga

The nine-day period from the first to the ninth day in the bright fortnight of the month of Chaitra is also known as Navaratri and is dedicated to the worship of nine different aspects of Devi. These nine days are however, popular in north India only. The ninth day in this month is also celebrated as Ramanavami.

In Gujarat, People celebrate with Garba and Dandiya Raas celebration. There is an interesting history behind so called Garba or Dandiya. The word Garba is coming from (again) Sanskrit word Garbha + Deep. Garbha literally means womb or inside and Deep is a burning cotton wick in oil in an earthen dish, also known as Diya. This Deep is put inside an earthe pot with holes. In ancient times, garba was performed only by women. It is a form of praying Maa, Shakti or Devi. Women would form concentric circles around this earthen pot-Garbo with clapping and twirling with rythmic foot steps moving forward in a concentric circle at the rythm of prayers sang with traditional instruments- Dhol, sort of a two sided drum; quite different than what it is rightnow, entertainment!

Garbo - an earthen pot with holes with diya inside

Decorated Earthen Pots

The purpose of Dandiya is very different than Garba, originating in western part of Inida. In ancient times, there were very small communities, and every male of the community was responsible for the security of entire community. Dandiya was also performed during navratri in western part of india. Dandiya raas was sort of a swords fight drill with intrigue footwork! Even now if you happen to see the very traditional Dandiya Raas, it would be performed by men only, and it is very energetic and physically very demanding. And now people perform dandiya raas at movie songs!! I would hope that the heart of these celebrations would still survive...

My Contribution this Navaratri..
I also tried contributing something this navratri, a free-hand drawing of "Maa"..

a few quotes

2005-10-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often-painful process.
--Diana Nyad

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.
--F. Scott Fitzgerald

Alwaysmake a total effort, even when the odds are against you.
--Arnold Palmer

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road... ..Unless you fail to make the turn."
--Unknown

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
- Wayne Dyer

Where you stumble—that’s where your treasure is.

There's a difference between re-acting and responding to life. When one re-acts, one re-enacts the cliches embedded in our memory about have things have been done before. When one responds, one musters the courage and the strength needed to be creative. We can change what happens in our lives by changing the way we deal with what happens in our lives by responding in a gentle positive way. Be gentle with yourself and be aware of how you are thinking and feeling before you decide to respond or re-act. "If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary."
--Jim Rohn

"Some dream of doing great things, while others stay awake and get on with it."
--Unknown

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
- Theodore Roosevelt.

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind."
- Wayne Dyer

GPS?

2005-09-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

Scenario:
premise:
- driving, from home to, say, place-A you kind of know how to reach there. last you visited was 2-3 years back!
- you are on speaker phone, since hands free is enforced by law.
- place X is where you have never been to, neither you know directions to, nor where it is.
- you will be given directions when you drive to place X on phone.
- It's raining badly.
- the day is weekend.

goal:
- you need to reach from place A to place X.

thinkable outcome:
- the road, you are on, vanishes out of sight all of sudden and you end up turning on a street you think may lead you to highway.
- you get confused on a small road: seemingly a ramp, leading to highway and a sign right at the curve- 'no outlet'.
- you get so many honks from drivers behind you.
- you end up going straight on a one-way exit ramp, driving in wrong direction!
- you don't want to go to place X.
- you start crying.

Is this possible? In this universe, it actually happened not too far ago, on Sept 24, 2005..
but place X was visited finally..

dumb system

2005-09-12T11:32:00.000-05:00

System is thought to be good, brings order, manages better, anything. But system can also be dumb. Though it brings orderliness, does not mean it is faultless. I want to see my family, celebrate diwali after 5 years with them, I bought airline tickets quite ahead of the time, i got vacation time approved from work, i got my ear doctor lined up too, everything worked out well, made plans with friends and family back home, but one system had to fail! This time, when I leave United States, I have to get my passport stamped from US Consulate to re-enter US, and that's where the failure emerges. I had planned earlier this year too to visit my family, and I had to cancel a week before my trip because of a scare of a surgery. I had sought an appointmet at US consulate then, and everything was perfect, but my doctor told me that something in my body might not had been perfect, and boom, no vacation, no family visit! now when everything else, is just fine, the visa-services appointment system failed! I booked apointment online again, I also let them know that I have booked appointment for such and such date asking them if i needed to re-submit anything again, not just once, twice. No repply from them, and now when my trip is less than a month away, I needed confirmation that my appointment has been confirmed, and now upon my asking, they are telling me that it's been cancelled because I did not sumbit documents-> which means, I can not get my passport stamped when I would take vacation! the wait is more than 3 months for getting another new appointment! Techically I am not requirted to re-submit anything for new appontment since I have already submitted everything!

Even if I want to go to some other country to get whole visa thing done, I don't have enough time to manage everything. what a dumb system they have, all the phone no.s, listed online, have changed, and it's really tough to get thru the recorded message playing numbers. I could some how, thinking I'm lucky to get, got a number I can talk to a person. I finally did speak to a person, who noted down my email address and told me that they would reply me through email. The reply I got was short and not at all sweet: "You called today. Please send us your query again." !!!!!! why did I call them, a question I could not answer myself.. neither they would consider my case where they give emergency appointment. I may not be not visiting my family, again.

Go Girl, Sania!!

2005-09-02T12:50:00.000-05:00

Good Luck Sania!!
Sania Entered 4th round in US Open, first Indian to be here!
I am proud of you Sania, Keep it up!

Yes Girl, Take 'em!

Go Sania Go..!

Sania, In Action

Me and only the Tennis ball

Just Do It

angie and company

2005-08-30T10:50:00.000-05:00

since last year, there was not much summer weather in chicago, I was very excited when temperature bar was climbing up and up. I have a patio, right on an artificaial pond. I can sit on contrete steps, and I am on the pond. I was busy roller blading, walking in forest preserve, exercising; busy with myself. I have 2 bamboo shoots to accompany me so I don't feel alone. and there is one more plant I have in a pot, which I keep in my patio. with my unsuccessful attempts to grow flower plants and strawberries, I could not save them from some sneaky creature who loved to eat all these plants not sparing even roots!

I would read, talk on phone, swim, forest preserve, cook, watch tv or go to friend's place, i was very well content in my own evening schedule. Then one day, I was talking on phone on my patio steps as I sometimes do to brethe warm air. I get bright sunlight in the morning, so summer evenings are nice in my patio.

the pond is of small circular shape, and kids would be playing along the periphery, shouting, running, biking. I doubt if any of them would be older than 5. i was carrying a book, and talking on phone one day right after I came home. And this little girl comes around, sits next to me, starts a parallel conversation with me while I was on phone. And finally I gave up, I got off the phone to talk to a person in front, and started talking to her. This innocent little lady was asking me many questions- do you live here? where were you? what was I doing? and then she comes to her point: do you have chocolate? and she got me, I had many! I don't eat chocolates but I have many chocolates at home, somene would give me or i'd buy. she was not the cleanest kid in the world, high energied 4 year old, who never stops. She is Angie. Others were alex, tyler, jeremy and some other kids. alex is angie's elder brother. some kids were afraid to come near me as they were not familier with me, and one parent walks by and sees me giving chocolates abundantly, and she tells me, pointing at the kid who refused to take chocolates, 'it's just that they don't know you, once they'll know you, they won't leave from here, you'll have to get rid of them.' Angie came right with me inside my place. I had some sunscreen samples on my table, she wanted those, had chewing gum too somewhere, and she wanted em. these little devils are very greedy. If you give them one, they want two, and when u give two, they want four! I gave them plenty, and at one point, I promised that they'd get more tomorrow now! Angie was very comfortable running inside, going upstairs and everywhere, it was me who was concerned that their parents' would worry of them coming inside. It seemed like they were okay with it.

The chocolate thing went on until my chocolate reserve was hitting it's lowest. I had been recommended to watch Monster Inc. by a friend of mine who also let me borrow dvd. And one friday, after coming from work I was also kind of under the weather, I put this dvd to play, and Angie, as usual, at my large windows opening at patio, peeks in and asks me if I can open the door. I opened it for them, and this 4 yr old recognised this movie right away! And the gang poured in. I had like 6 kids in my living room, demending one after the another thing to eat. it started with chocolates, and when it emptied out, 'do you have pop corn?' Then came ice-cream, and again pop corn. Their purpose was over now, they had fun in revolving chair, running around having nice evening movie+snacks combo, and they started to play again. I have 3 entrance doors, and I use two of them. one opens in the hallway, one in my patio. these kids started running thru both the doors, and going out of building, and again running to my patio and inside my place and they went on. It was very different enjoyable feeling I got watching these kids. They had been coming on an average every 2 days to my place, and I also started to like it. A friend of mine suggested to give them water melon or other fruits instead of chocolates. They saw watermelon in my fridge, and I was glad they wanted watermelon. water melon went on for a quite a while. One day, I was into deep reading, and angie comes to my window and asks if I can open the door, if I she can get watermelon. I wanted to read, so I told her, I have to read, I'll give water melon tomorrow. She makes face and says, our school opens tomorrow, and we won't be coming here now! and they were treated again. I kind of felt sad that they won't be coming now.. I still would remember these sweet little girl Angie, and her friends running around, biking, shouting. I miss them coming to my window sometime, interrupting whatever I would be doing.. to open door.. and ask for chocolate, water melon, sharing my dinner..

Happy Indepencence Day!!

2005-08-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY !!
India is 58 years old today, since AUG 15, 1947.

The Family

2005-07-28T10:50:00.000-05:00

I had a subitaneus realization on something very striking, about a family. What is a family? The dictionary definition of Family says:

"A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children."

I am talking about immediate family, not the extended one. One's family should transit with age. Ok, let me explain:

Let's start with newly weds. A newly wed couple starts living together, enjoys life togeter. Most commonly they will have child/children. Which would satisfy the definition of a family. It is called a family when children are younger, studying, dependent on parents. Parents usually rule in this small and very basic segment of society. Parents have unprecedented governance in this social group. the youngerones grow up, get their first hand experiences, learn things and reaches a point in time, where there is a cutoff, which plays a very significant role now. This cut off is when a child becomes independent, and most commonly will start to look out or would already have a mate. When this search is over, this child would want to settle down. Now this child, of her parents, as we can say, is in transition. Here is where metamorphosis occures for a person, she starts to belong to a new family now. Her previous family should become an extended family gradually. This is a cutoff point, and traditional valued society misses this cut off point.

In an orthodox commonwealth, a child is not expected to "start a new family" but rather have addition to the family. Usually, this addition to a family is less priored. This phenomenon is very similar to joining a new group. The new person is less important in an association than an old member. The additions to a family, result in embroilment. The old family members want to continue their unprecedented rule over their children, when their children are at the age when they can have their own family. The old family should become extended family. I don't intend to blame or accuse here any kind of social arrangement, and individual case could be different. Even in nature we observe similar pattern of behaviour. A cat would give birth kittens, and when the kittens reach at certain age, cat leaves them alone. But in human society, the parental instincts soemtimes overcasts this natural pattern. They "expect" their once obedient little darlings to be obedient little darlings forever. Fear and jealousy plays huge role here. Parental instincts can not accept the fact that their once little one now likes someone else and that someone is her first priority, and there starts all their tantrum. There are ways to make this transition smoother, and depends very much on a family as a whole's maturity. Some people can never accept transition, and I am sure, their dreams just stays dreams.

In Conclusion, I have observed that mature commonwealth provides a flourishing ground for our betterment, progress and prosperity and is ofcourse more alleviating.

P.S: An interesting article in NYTimes over another interesting behaviour of a family:

It's the Kids. Lock Up the China!

Viva Le Tour!

2005-07-25T08:28:00.000-05:00

"Viva le Tour! Forever"
Lance Armstrong, 7th straight, legendary, storied Tour-de-France winner!!

Three Cheers to Lance, A Living Legend!

2005-07-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

"I once met three guys named pain, suffering, and sacrifice. Now, we'er inseparable. We're best friends."
Lance armstrong said this once.

Every Second Counts

What would you say to Lance Armstrong if you had one minute of his time?
Here's my one minute with Lance:

Live Strong: Lance Armstrong

Dear Sir Lance,

Yes, I have to call you "Sir". There was something about you, which always made me want to know about you. I am a big fan of your high spirit, not getting defeated by carcinoma. When I heard about your sixth straight victory in tour de france as a cancer survivor, I wanted to salute you. I admire very much your determination, inner strength and will power to come back alive. You have grown to a legend. It does not matter if you win 7th straight tour-de-france, you have already won it even before the race started. You have won it by surviving post-cancer life, by deciding to race, by preparing for the race. That is your one of the biggest achievement. The performance does not matter, the will to perform to be on the top is what matters. You are a living torch for all the cancer patients. I wish you all the best for the race, but remember, you are already No. 1!

Three Cheers for You Lance!!

You can also find this and other letters to Lance here on USAToday .

Memorable past

2005-06-24T14:00:00.000-05:00

I was recently reminded of some of my childhood memories while reading one of the posts. I just thought of sharing it with you guys.

It was, may be, 15 years before, I was a bright highschool kid. I wanted to take early lessons for even better performance. So, it was summer classes that I was attending, not in school, arranged by some other people. You pay high fees, and they teach you. Mainly math and science. I would wake up early, take 6:20am public transportation bus, then I was supposed to hire a rickshaw (a three wheeler automobile taxi). For first few days, my dad dropped me and picked me up. But eventually, I was starting to set my routine. And, I believe, very early I started to do this. Take the bus, and instead of taking rickshaw, I would walk in the breezy morning, as i had some spare time left for the claases to start. On the way, there comes an underpass, going under the rail tracks. I saw this guy in very terrible condition on the sidewalk. He was a leper, I guessed he was begging there, though he never asked for anything. He didn't have many fingers, and I did not think he could even see. I felt very bad for the unequality, here, I have luxury to go to school, hire a rickshaw coming from well to do family, and here this guy, I don't know how he would be eating his food or if he could even get food. I was afraid to go near with a fear of catching leprosy. But then I decided that, since, I had some spare time and I could walk, I would walk every day, and save money which my parents gave me to hire a rickshaw, I will give it to this guy. This way, I would help him, without being feared of catching infection, from far. I started to give money to this guy everyday, not to mention here that I never told about this at home. He never asked for it, neither I was not sure he knew that someone was giving him money. I never got any kind of gesture or words or movements from him. I was not sure how this guy would spend money, since I doubted that he could walk, but I did not want to think about it. I was painful. I sometimes would keep some fraction of change to add it to my piggy bank that's a different story..
This continued almost for all the weekdays for two months. Now summer vaction was ending, and so did my classes. I was so worried about this guy that how he would survive now, as if he was surviving on me! But back then, I seriously thought that he would starve and will die soon, and I would be responsible for his death.. I wanted to continue this classes but it was not feasible or possible with school.. and I had to leave it there.

After sometime, whenever I would pass by the same underpass, I would try to look for this guy. It was monsoon, and I read in the newspaper that this underpass was flooded with water, and I was worried about this guy, when I did not know if he was still there and alive.

This incident or whatever you call is one of the most memorable memories from my past..

Valkyries

2005-06-20T15:50:00.000-05:00

This caught my attention rightaway when i was just flipping through the book, and which also played major role in making me buy the book:

"We wind up killing what we love most..."
From Valkyries - Paulo Coelho

Summer Serenity

2005-06-10T11:10:00.000-05:00

Innocence in the seventh heaven.

What is Freedom?

2005-06-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

What is Freedom?

Is it being free from the habits or desires, or justlying idle? Does freedom refer to actions or deeds or words or thoughts?

My the same dear friend who wanted to discuss about "SPACE" asked me another question, "What is Freedom?" have you ever thought on freedom?

we were born, we were freed from the cozy womb, and we cried, we were not happy, we were not free in real sense. We adapted to the surroundings we grew up. and we learned to be happy with it. We learnt that there is day and there is night, we formed a habit of resting and sleeping at night and waking up, being active in the day. we formed out habits and routine based on this solar cycle. these habits also furnishes our biological needs. and provides a set of activities during the day. Think, if you were to sit idlly, disregarding day or night, you had no routine, and you were living in a cave. how would you have managed your life? you will try to set a routine then too. you will learn cold/hot/rain by experience, and take actions to make yourself comfortable. when you would have felt comfortable, you would have been happier! Freedom is not leaving every earthy things and going to caves in solitude.

We grow up, we start taking more interest in opposit sex (i'm talking about in general). we feel a need to have a companion, with whom we can be ourselves. we have a burning desire here. Are we free here? This comes from our learnings since 1000s of years, we also call it our biological needs. in an average case, a person would eventually find a companion. In this association, comes expectations, responsibility. Some times this can be annoying, and we are unhappy again, striving to escape from this unhappiness. Desire is associated with what is opposit of freedom. Is there any freedom here?

Our actions or deeds are the result of a motive, a thought. A thought is motive to any action. Thought can be of your own liking or something you abhor. you are captive of your own mind! Is this freedom?

Then what is freedom?

I just realized something very unnoticed: we call it freedom which makes us happy. The unhappy status gives the feeling opposite to freedom. Is it really true though?

To think is the elementary characteristic of our perplexing mind. Thinking is learned behaviour from our past. So, when we think, we are carrying forward our past with us. When we bring our past in present, we are not free. Another act of mind is analyzing, which is the act of going through our fears, in good words, checkpoints. Fear surmounts freedom. we surrender ourselves to fear and seek pursuits we think will make us safe, which is running from fears. If we can be free from our fears, may be we can be free. It is still a subject of an exploration. A person can feel freedom even when in an association. And a person can feel opposit of freedom even when in no association. Freedom is extant, and we have to uncover it.

I Can Fly

2005-05-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

The Water Dance

"I think I can fly, closer to the sky
No ones telling you how to live your life.. "
I just remembered one of the Madonna songs when I saw this picture.

The Sky Oddyssey

Isn't it beautiful? I feel like embracing the whole sky in my two arms :)

Today's Inspiration

2005-05-18T14:35:00.000-05:00

“We move from the illusion of certainty to the certainty of illusion.”
-Unknown

It is love alone that leads to right action. What brings order in the world is to love and let love do what it will.
by Jiddu Krishnamurti

In matters of conscience, the law of majority has no place.
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities.The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.
-- Albert Einstein

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.
Indira Gandhi

Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.
Mahatma Gandhi

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it...always.
Mahatma Gandhi

Does Evryone have a Secret Part of Life?

2005-05-17T14:55:00.000-05:00

What is a secret? A Secret is some event or incident, which you know about, but others who claim to know you well don't. There can be one of the two origins of it being a secret:

1. You intend to keep it secret

2. You never got a chance to reveal "the secret" event/incident.

Why we don't reveal these secretive incidents? "The Secret out" situation can be harming one's interests, or one may be afraid of the other being judgemental about oneself. The first case can be more selfish. The later game we play is less harming, not so selfish. I look into myself, why I have not told couple of things to my friends whom I consider close. I was self-analyzing: Am I ashamed of it? Am I afraid of my friend to be judgemental? I have a friend, who is quite close, we hang out couple of times a week, dine together, cook together, gossip together, and help eachother. I have known this friend since last 2 years, and There are somethings I have not revealed to her which happend even before I met my friend. Firstly I did not mention this to my friend without any intention of keeping secret.

A friend of mine came up with a term "need to know basis" information revealing. I find it quite political, safe game, which may be justified as fair. It is our own justificvation afterall, so you feel less guilty. It is a secret when people close to you don't know what you believe is of importance, and that you will be judge wrong if told. Some times we wait for "better time" to reveal it. This is sheer manipulation of human psychology. Better time translates to better mood/place/more favorable situation .

This film ran thru my mind because, I still havn't revealed my "secret", and I am still waiting for "better time" to reveal. I do want to reveal my so called "secret" to her, but it's also too late now for her to be close to me..

What am I seeking?

2005-05-02T18:00:00.000-05:00

I am looking back to my 30 years of life, and shockingly I realized a very obvious still unknown fact! Whole of my 30 years, I have spent in waiting..! Waiting for something to happen in my favor, we call it hope. Hope is waiting for a thing to happen you want in future, and living with a belief that it will happen, neglecting the options available in my present. Is hope a really virtue? Hope makes you believe in future, un-acknowledging the present. I was shocked at this realization. If I were to die today, I feel, I have not lived my life, I am still waiting, waiting for future. I am ignoring my today's options to be happy in a hope to live in future.

Where to begin from? Before starting school, I was waiting for school, when in school, wait for holidays, wait for exams to get over, wait for vacation, wait for new uniforms, wait for getting elder to be able to make own decisions, wait to be independent, after school, wait for college, wait for revealing the uncertain career, while in college, wait for the degree, wait for favorable job, wait for any opportunity to go to US, wait for GRE tests, wait for admissions, wait for visa, wait for landing, wait for semesters to end, wait for job, wait for relationship, wait for relationship to get better, wait for living alone, my whole life has been waiting, all of sudden I had this realization. I have a couple of resolutions for myself:
1. Be Happy
2. Don't worry
3. have patinece, wait, be cautious
And with today's realization, I have an internal conflict about wait. Waiting has become my habit, and it has been so deceivingly active. I am in a fight rightnow about waiting. I had let go so many chances of living in this "waiting". I used to take risk, and with my resolving to be cautious, I less became adventurist, I less take risks. The part of my mind which favors being cautious, warns me of not waiting situation, and the part which favors not waiting, warns me of years slipping thru my life, And I am at a juncture, with realizing losing of 30 years in waiting, start to not to wait eventually. I have not come to any conclusion though, this fight within is not against of or in favor of me, it's not losing either way. but I feel, I need to be more adventurous now..

need company?

2005-03-27T12:35:00.000-06:00

What are we looking for? no ear to the daily 3000 words coming out of your mouth a day? feeling like midlife crisis? people suggest an all problems' solution, get married. one of my just got married friend said so. After marriage, you don't get bored, you don't need people for company. well, that, kind of looks right to me sometime. You'd realize this if you have couple friends and if you are a single. why do we reach out to people? because, we don't get bored, we get entertained, we can keep ourself occupied, we feel happy. We are not happy being alone. Why? We human beings are animal of herd. With the exceptional qualities of our mind, there comes this craving to keep our mind occupied. When no mind, not worries, but in our case, that is not so, we have mind, we have thoughts, we have preferences, being distinct and the most intelligence creatures on the face of earth. Hence comes our need to be with a company, a psychological need, and physiological need. It's a long weekend sunday, and right from my wake up, I am bored.. so this came to my mind...

My fantasy as a teenager: I used to think that I would meet a guy in a park, college or even next doors, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. this someone who is intelligent, caring, confident, sophisticated, lively and knows how to listen to the music of the Rain. We can go for long walks, talk late into the night, doesn't mind getting bored with me, discovering the joys of togetherness. A person I can grow old with and still feel that our relationship is fresh and young. May be it sounds too much of a fairy tale now or I am really bored...

Happy Holi

2005-03-24T11:51:00.000-06:00

Mound of Excitement and Happiness on HOLI!!

It's Holi Time!! No one is spared

It's Holi !!

The evening of bonfires:

Holika, commonly called Holi is a spring festival celebrated at the approach of the spring season, during the 3 or 4 days preceding the full moon day in the month of Phalgun. Essentially, Holi means the triumph of good over evil and conquest of sensual values by spiritual values. Families assemble, lit up bonfires, throwing prasad and coconut in the fire. The evil spirit, symbolized by all those dead leaves, twigs, dirtand filth that collects during the winter months, is thrown up in the fire. They also take home prasad. The Holi festival marks the end of winter and the beginning of spring. A pot of new barley seeds, coconut is placed for roasting under the pyre before the bonfire is lit up. These seeds are eaten after the fire dies down. The yields in the coming harvest season are predictedby reading the direction of the flames orby the state of the roasted seeds in the pot. The ashes from the Holi fireare also believed to provide protection against diseases. It's something similar to the ancinet ritesof burning Maypole in the West part of the globe.

The carnival of colors:

The main event of Holi is indeed a carnival of colors. The next day, children, friends and neighbors come out on the streets. And the spree to color-anyone-you-see takes over.Colors of all form and variety.They come in shades of red, orange, blue, green,and purple, and the likes.And they are available in oil, water or powder base.
The spirit of Holi is colour - rich and vibrant, flung into the air and smeared with laughter on friends and loved ones. It recalls, very simply, the secret of life: a shifting panorama of sights, movement and feelings. Colours denotes energy - the vivid, passionate pulse of life. Colour signifies the vitality that makes the human race unique in the universal scheme. Holi, the festival of colour, is also the enactment of spring. It is, in a metaphorical sense, changing earth’s dull garb of winter for the fresh blue of the March skies, the bright colours of new blossoms, the brilliance of the summer sun washing everything with its red-gold hues.

Take A Chance

2005-03-22T14:40:00.000-06:00

I remember from my job search experience that when you are prepared, you don't get any interview, and when you are not trying, or prepared, you get "interviews". And there is a high probability that you will blow up. But, here comes the fight between a thought which says to give up and flee the interview, and another says to take a chance and try your best. Which side would you go? This is life, not a film, where you don't get second chance. My philosophy is to take chances. There is also a song I remember (not sure by whom but quite famous) called 'Take a Chance..'. For a chance, there can be two disciplines of thinking, one which says, I am not ready, so I will prepare myself and then look out for new chances. Mind well, this never happens, if you are not ready today, you are never going to be ready ever in your life. If you follow this discipline, you may regret it later to let the chance go. CHANCES DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE. If you get a chance, just take it, don't wait for the next one. I solve my confusions with this simple rule: I will give it my best shot whether I am prepared or not and TAKE the CHANCE rather than hiding from it may be it failure.

I Thank You very much Dr. Kenny Bozorgi!

2005-03-15T10:30:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt with a doctor that you don't just want it to end for ever?

I know exactly how you feel. My doctor has touched my life very deeply. I had the last appointment with him, and just didn't want to accept that this is the last time I'm seeing him, though it was a good news.. He had made a big impression on my life, he has saved my life, my future, and me... And I gave him a thank you card, which does not seem enough to me to show my gratitude. I felt very bad leaving his office that day.. There are not many doctors, who tell you that they will work on saturday for for your case, that is a very high motivation and dedication towards his responsibilities. I have very high regards for him and respect for this devout man. He might be seeing hundred of patients every month, and must be treating everyone quite well. But i saw this one doctor, who has changed my life... I thank him from the bottom of my heart... He is the best doctor I have ever seen, Dr.KENNY BOZORGI.

The Happiest Baby of the World!!

2005-03-15T09:55:00.000-06:00

Doesn't she remind you of someone? doesn't she make u feel jealous? Well, she does to me! No worries, being center of attention, no work, no understanding of right and wrong, a messy eater with no teeth, just a HAPPY state!! She is Vidhi, my friend's baby daughter, 4 months old...

The SPACE..

2005-02-27T11:30:00.000-06:00

It is the space between the bars that holds the cage.
-Zen Master

A friend of mine asked me what are my views on this. At first, when I read it, it did sounded like, hmm.. a cage, bars, space, so what's new this saying tells us? Even after a day, this was still on the back of my mind, "what this means", trying to get depth of this zen saying. Anoher motivation was to reply to my friend who asked my views on this, with whom I'm in touch only with email forwards now a days :) . On friday, I was done with work, tired, riding back home in the train, half in transe, it occured to me that cage defines inside the cage and outside the cage! And I got a direction to follow for the saying!

It's the space between the bars which makes the existence of the cage. If there would not have been any space between the bars, it would have been a room. The space makes one realize that there is an outside and there is an inside, that he/she is inside, and there is something better, called "freedom" outside. He/she has something to compare with ,called outside. If it were just solid wall, person would have been just satisfied with what is available. But when there is a comparison, and realization of one's limitation or boundary, person wants to become free from just realized "cage" or trapped condition. It's curiosity of experiencing outside world, and dissatisfaction from the present situation makes a cage so important for a person. "Important" may not necessarily mean favorable. Something like we feel many times, we want to go to a place which is not home, we get bored at home, we want something new or not home to entertain our mind. It's also our tricky mind, which never gets satisfied. Our mind wishes something, we achieve it, and in no time, we get bored of it, now we want some other thing, which is not the thing we just achieved. Mind gets fed up very easily. Our mind tries to thrive on so called "newness". We lose interest in a new thing very fast. As soon as we experience it, we are done with it mentally. But we are smart to hide that we are done with it if we can not get rid of it for whatever reasons :), may be it social reasons, moral grounds or obligations or our own weakness.

I could identify so many cage situations with me too now after I started thinking into this direction. I am thinking, even if I will be or I am aware of these "cage" situations, would I be able to see it from another prospective now? The way our mind works is, it would first think of self first! Map the benefits of the cage, and disadvantages of the cage. What weighs more? benefits? boom, no way I'm going out of the cage !! It's my safety net or comfort zone. We are afraid to step out of our comfort zone. We are afraid of unknown. We do not have a sample experience of the unknown to find comfort/discomfort, and we do not want to put our comfort at stake for something we are not sure if it would be comforting or disturbing. We are selfish deep inside! Whenever there is a judging involved, it's a selfish act. I will judge my self with the arguments which makes myself a winner!! The cage exist if we think there is a cage or bars and space. If I am not afraid of extending my comfortzone into the unknown, there is no cage. The fear is the key to identify and not surrender to it. I have observed how I react to fear, I get into the unknown with no thought in my mind, no comparison or judgment, before or after thoughts, with a faith that I will be still in comfort with stepping into an unknown, TRUSTING The SELF and no regrets later. The part of my mind which blocks such thoughts takes the charge and I become fearless under it's leadership. This is the best I can describe process that occurs in my mind to overcome cage feeling.

Valentine's Day Wishes

2005-02-14T15:54:00.000-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day

My Next Favorite Movie: BLACK

2005-02-13T21:36:00.000-06:00

BLACK (link: BLACK)

Teacher and the blind girl.

Young girl from the movie.

A story of a blind and deaf girl and an alcoholic teacher (link: STORY). I have not watched it yet, but I know, this is going to be my another favorite movie. It is a film made in bollywood (link: BOLLYWOOD), biggest film industry in the world. It is an english movie, with very different story, very inspirational, very touching. I just wanted to watch this movie today as soon as I came to know about this. But I did not find any company to go with. This is a spiritual, grandiose, dazzling, delicate movie showing one's soul getting elevated from less than normal. I give 4 STARS !! Go, Watch this movie!!

Am I Patient Enough?

2005-02-11T15:55:00.000-06:00

Patience

How much patience is patience, and how much patience makes you a fool?

There is no fine line between these too. Patience is a positive attitude, a hope, kind of "what you want, would happen, may take little longer" attitude. Too much waiting for the thing to happen can prove yourself a fool. It's on a person's judgement, how long to be patient. Many times, being patient is taken as a weakness. I have come up with a good formula to this, set a deadline, or give a certain numbers of chances to your patience, like, number of benefits of doubts, or set a time period to evaluate your judgement of patience again. Absence of patience is more seen in teenagers, which is not necessarily a conclusion. Sometimes patience can reflect fear of situation of not having patience or disregarding self respect.

Re-Evaluation

2005-02-06T11:50:00.000-06:00

What is friendship?

I woke up at 6:35 am on sunday morning(very unusual), going through my memory cinematography, past events, perceptive exchanges, continued with last night dinner etc. It takes more than routine dinner/lunch together, routine meet ups in any relation. It is not just something you want to share when you are unhappy. It is something more than that. The main substance of friendship is communication. May it be verbal, eye, physical or even non-communication. I am surprized how we communicate even with not communicating. If We are angry at or ashamed of someone we know, forget verbal communication, we avoid even an eye contact. This sends a very strong message, I am angry at you or I am ashamed of you. We have many forms of communication.

I take train ride every day for my work, 50+ mins ride each way. I see many same faces every day. They probably take the train for the same objective. We many times share same seats. We are quite close phiscally too, less than 3 feet of one's very personal space. Still I do not relate myself to them or neither do they. If you watch people in train, you can easily make out a new mother, old mother, happy person, an ambitious business professional implimenting business tactics, a worried person, a unhappy person, sick person, but we never ask them why do they feel so or what is wrong or right. We behave as indifferent. Routine meet up does not mean relation! It takes more than that, an "emotional closeness". This is a give-take and take-give process. It is a bid-offer process.

Mind it well my friend, friendship is not eternal, it is an ever changing chemistry. It has two chemical agents, acting or reacting all the times. The result can be some by-products or an explosion. We as human beings are animal of crowd, we need each other. We need each other for emotional needs. We good friends may not exchage gifts, it's the little things we do and we don't do. It is not just our support system in your worries and down time. It is there to share your happieness; in your sorrow, you want them to have ampathy, you want to get a feeling of belonging when in sickness, sometimes we just want physical presence, or we want to share our perpetual, "everyday-new day" things. This forms a main product called "emotioanl closeness", though of different levels, and nurtures both the reagents in the chemical process. This process has the inherent constituents: willingness, sensitivity and intuition. We don't analyze consciously on when to communicate, how much to comunicate. Above three in our subconscious just happens to us on how much, when or how to communicate. It is very instinctive and intuitive. You can not apply intelligence or logic (not necessarily unbiased), otherwise it no longer remains pure, it becomes an applied subject, like math. In this chemical process there is a danger of developing a very secret property called jealousy. This can lead the whole chemistry to a regression or repulsion. Human mind is very tricky. Our perceptions are very different though same physical and chemical composition of our bodies. One of the symptoms of receding relation is repeated give-no take and no take-give cycles. and statistically, the chemical process barely survives this cycle, usually it ends in an explosion.

All this comes to my mind with a sequence of incidents with a friend of mine. routine weekend diner, though uninvited; no direct effort to talk to me, kind of indifferent feeling; no reaction to my very evident not feeling well look which I never miss to reciprocate; no concern to happenings with me since a long time, all these make me re-evaluate our process. I feel sometimes I am losing patience, or it's just my imagination, but my part of mind is little sensitive on me getting indifferent. It's not just a conflict between two people, it is also a conflict within, may be of different levels based on different priorities though...

We are not perfect but at least we adjust to other person with our distinctive intelligence and emotional maturity, when this adjustment comes from only one side for long, it's just conflict that remains, and I believe one should definitely re-evaluate if it is worth investing one's time being little sensitive to yourself.