Did you do something about it?

I was reading comments on one of the Jithu's blogs and I got this inspiration to write about this:

I saw Yuva movie, i think last year, in the theater, and at the end of the movie, I was hoping that our yuth would get a message this movie sends out. our indian people complain about politics this and corruption that, and our police system another that! I would like to ask the same question to those complaining, whining people: ok, so what do you do about it? What is your effort to make these systems right? They- the self proclaimed "elites", would not even go to cast their vote where they directly can do something about it! and the more interesting thing is, they would take pride in not casting any vote!! Do these people have any right to whine?

I had seen this commercial on tv sometimes ago on tv: They show in girls' bathroom in some college dorms, and one of the sink taps was running without any person around it. Everyone gathers around that sink and starts complaining- ooh, someone left this tap running.. ohh, it's so wrong.. it's such a waste of natural resources.. and just kept gossiping-murmering-complaining. and finally there comes one bold girl and just turns the tap off! and the caption comes on the screen: "don't complain, do something about it. did you do something about it?"

Home Sick..

Oh my god, how much do I miss India! I had such a wonderful time there! And now back in very cold, very short day altitude, alone :(
I wish to go back home some day for good. And I think, I will. I realized how much my family misses me and how much I miss them :( I don't want to see my mom-dad-sis-bro every 2 years, I do want to celebrate all my holidays with them, in a traditional way. I swear to god, I was so surprized to see highways there! I loved driving there, though traffic was still a bit messy. I loved to sit under trees, read news paper, have some snacks in light breeze, half sun, half shadowy, where you don't have to worry about putting of hundred things before stepping outside of your door. you can have hundreds of varieties of fresh juices. Here in America, I don't know why, the concept of fresh juice is lots of ice blend with some fruite :( which I don't enjoy as much. Go to multiplex, go to malls, oh yeah, malls in India! Everythihng, one can imagine, is there in India. I surely wanna go back to my roots one day. going out for books shopping at crosswords with brother, going out for shopping with sis, going out for trekking, going out to places with cousins and brother and sis, spending time with cousins, it's a la grande! I and my brother made rangoli together :) didn't finish it though, had to redo once, and both of us got very tired, and in the evening, it was Diwali time! Oh my god, how much do I miss home...




Rangoli, I and my brother made..

Hasta la Vista

hello friends, I might be little irregular at least for a month now, since, I'm going on my the most awaited vacation finally! Yes, I am visiting my home town, seeing my family! I don't promise, but I try to find time to visit ya all..

Happy Diwali and Happy Halloween to ya all!
Go Chicago WHite Sox!! Congratulations White Sox, you did it !!


Hasta la Vista

Navratri

Navratri!

Navratri is one of the main celebrations in India. Worshipping Shakti- Amba, Durga, Kali, SarsWati, Gayatri or just called Maa - as Mother. The Sanskrit word Navratri is composed of joining two words: Nava + Ratri ‘nine nights’, Sanskrit language is very powerful ancient language, one can join words, one can make own words. About Sanskrit, some other time though!

Navratri is worshipping Shakti, literal meaning is Power. This nine-day period from the new moon day to the ninth day of Ashvina month is considered the most auspicious time of the Vikram Samvant year (Hindu Calendar) and is the most celebrated time of the year. Although it has different names in different parts of India, it is celebrated by Hindus from all regions. From Kashmir in the north to Tamil Nadu in the south, and from Gujarat in the west to Sikkim in the east, it is celebrated with great enthusiasm as the conquest of good over evil. Every region has its own myths and reasons to explain this.

The nine different aspects of Devi (Godess) or Shakti are worshipped over the nine days. These are the most popular forms under which she is worshipped: Durga: goddess beyond reach; Bhadrakali the auspicious power of time; Amba or Jagdamba: mother of the world; Annapurna: giver of food and plenty; Sarvamangala: auspicious goddess; Bhairavi: terrible, fearful, power of death; Chandika or Chandi: violent, wrathful, furious; Lalita: playful; and Bhavani: giver of existence. The festivities culminate on the tenth day, called variously Vijayadashmi, Dushehra or Dassain when people in most parts of the country burn effigies of Ravana, Meghanatha and Kumbhakarna (see also Dushehra). Some people fast on all nine days, eating only fruit and milk dishes. Some fast only on the eighth or ninth day.

Maa Durga 

The nine-day period from the first to the ninth day in the bright fortnight of the month of Chaitra is also known as Navaratri and is dedicated to the worship of nine different aspects of Devi. These nine days are however, popular in north India only. The ninth day in this month is also celebrated as Ramanavami.

In Gujarat, People celebrate with Garba and Dandiya Raas celebration. There is an interesting history behind so called Garba or Dandiya. The word Garba is coming from (again) Sanskrit word Garbha + Deep. Garbha literally means womb or inside and Deep is a burning cotton wick in oil in an earthen dish, also known as Diya. This Deep is put inside an earthe pot with holes. In ancient times, garba was performed only by women. It is a form of praying Maa, Shakti or Devi. Women would form concentric circles around this earthen pot-Garbo with clapping and twirling with rythmic foot steps moving forward in a concentric circle at the rythm of prayers sang with traditional instruments- Dhol, sort of a two sided drum; quite different than what it is rightnow, entertainment!

Garbo - an earthen pot with holes with diya inside 


Decorated Earthen Pots

The purpose of Dandiya is very different than Garba, originating in western part of Inida. In ancient times, there were very small communities, and every male of the community was responsible for the security of entire community. Dandiya was also performed during navratri in western part of india. Dandiya raas was sort of a swords fight drill with intrigue footwork! Even now if you happen to see the very traditional Dandiya Raas, it would be performed by men only, and it is very energetic and physically very demanding. And now people perform dandiya raas at movie songs!! I would hope that the heart of these celebrations would still survive...


My Contribution this Navaratri..
I also tried contributing something this navratri, a free-hand drawing of "Maa"..

a few quotes

I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often-painful process.
--Diana Nyad

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.
--F. Scott Fitzgerald

Alwaysmake a total effort, even when the odds are against you.
--Arnold Palmer

"A bend in the road is not the end of the road... ..Unless you fail to make the turn."
--Unknown

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
- Wayne Dyer

Where you stumble—that’s where your treasure is.

There's a difference between re-acting and responding to life. When one re-acts, one re-enacts the cliches embedded in our memory about have things have been done before. When one responds, one musters the courage and the strength needed to be creative. We can change what happens in our lives by changing the way we deal with what happens in our lives by responding in a gentle positive way. Be gentle with yourself and be aware of how you are thinking and feeling before you decide to respond or re-act. "If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary."
--Jim Rohn

"Some dream of doing great things, while others stay awake and get on with it."
--Unknown

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
- Theodore Roosevelt.

"The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind."
- Wayne Dyer

GPS?

Scenario:
premise:
- driving, from home to, say, place-A you kind of know how to reach there. last you visited was 2-3 years back!
- you are on speaker phone, since hands free is enforced by law.
- place X is where you have never been to, neither you know directions to, nor where it is.
- you will be given directions when you drive to place X on phone.
- It's raining badly.
- the day is weekend.

goal:
- you need to reach from place A to place X.

thinkable outcome:
- the road, you are on, vanishes out of sight all of sudden and you end up turning on a street you think may lead you to highway.
- you get confused on a small road: seemingly a ramp, leading to highway and a sign right at the curve- 'no outlet'.
- you get so many honks from drivers behind you.
- you end up going straight on a one-way exit ramp, driving in wrong direction!
- you don't want to go to place X.
- you start crying.

Is this possible? In this universe, it actually happened not too far ago, on Sept 24, 2005..
but place X was visited finally..

dumb system

System is thought to be good, brings order, manages better, anything. But system can also be dumb. Though it brings orderliness, does not mean it is faultless. I want to see my family, celebrate diwali after 5 years with them, I bought airline tickets quite ahead of the time, i got vacation time approved from work, i got my ear doctor lined up too, everything worked out well, made plans with friends and family back home, but one system had to fail! This time, when I leave United States, I have to get my passport stamped from US Consulate to re-enter US, and that's where the failure emerges. I had planned earlier this year too to visit my family, and I had to cancel a week before my trip because of a scare of a surgery. I had sought an appointmet at US consulate then, and everything was perfect, but my doctor told me that something in my body might not had been perfect, and boom, no vacation, no family visit! now when everything else, is just fine, the visa-services appointment system failed! I booked apointment online again, I also let them know that I have booked appointment for such and such date asking them if i needed to re-submit anything again, not just once, twice. No repply from them, and now when my trip is less than a month away, I needed confirmation that my appointment has been confirmed, and now upon my asking, they are telling me that it's been cancelled because I did not sumbit documents-> which means, I can not get my passport stamped when I would take vacation! the wait is more than 3 months for getting another new appointment! Techically I am not requirted to re-submit anything for new appontment since I have already submitted everything!

Even if I want to go to some other country to get whole visa thing done, I don't have enough time to manage everything. what a dumb system they have, all the phone no.s, listed online, have changed, and it's really tough to get thru the recorded message playing numbers. I could some how, thinking I'm lucky to get, got a number I can talk to a person. I finally did speak to a person, who noted down my email address and told me that they would reply me through email. The reply I got was short and not at all sweet: "You called today. Please send us your query again." !!!!!! why did I call them, a question I could not answer myself.. neither they would consider my case where they give emergency appointment. I may not be not visiting my family, again.

angie and company

since last year, there was not much summer weather in chicago, I was very excited when temperature bar was climbing up and up. I have a patio, right on an artificaial pond. I can sit on contrete steps, and I am on the pond. I was busy roller blading, walking in forest preserve, exercising; busy with myself. I have 2 bamboo shoots to accompany me so I don't feel alone. and there is one more plant I have in a pot, which I keep in my patio. with my unsuccessful attempts to grow flower plants and strawberries, I could not save them from some sneaky creature who loved to eat all these plants not sparing even roots!

I would read, talk on phone, swim, forest preserve, cook, watch tv or go to friend's place, i was very well content in my own evening schedule. Then one day, I was talking on phone on my patio steps as I sometimes do to brethe warm air. I get bright sunlight in the morning, so summer evenings are nice in my patio.

the pond is of small circular shape, and kids would be playing along the periphery, shouting, running, biking. I doubt if any of them would be older than 5. i was carrying a book, and talking on phone one day right after I came home. And this little girl comes around, sits next to me, starts a parallel conversation with me while I was on phone. And finally I gave up, I got off the phone to talk to a person in front, and started talking to her. This innocent little lady was asking me many questions- do you live here? where were you? what was I doing? and then she comes to her point: do you have chocolate? and she got me, I had many! I don't eat chocolates but I have many chocolates at home, somene would give me or i'd buy. she was not the cleanest kid in the world, high energied 4 year old, who never stops. She is Angie. Others were alex, tyler, jeremy and some other kids. alex is angie's elder brother. some kids were afraid to come near me as they were not familier with me, and one parent walks by and sees me giving chocolates abundantly, and she tells me, pointing at the kid who refused to take chocolates, 'it's just that they don't know you, once they'll know you, they won't leave from here, you'll have to get rid of them.' Angie came right with me inside my place. I had some sunscreen samples on my table, she wanted those, had chewing gum too somewhere, and she wanted em. these little devils are very greedy. If you give them one, they want two, and when u give two, they want four! I gave them plenty, and at one point, I promised that they'd get more tomorrow now! Angie was very comfortable running inside, going upstairs and everywhere, it was me who was concerned that their parents' would worry of them coming inside. It seemed like they were okay with it.

The chocolate thing went on until my chocolate reserve was hitting it's lowest. I had been recommended to watch Monster Inc. by a friend of mine who also let me borrow dvd. And one friday, after coming from work I was also kind of under the weather, I put this dvd to play, and Angie, as usual, at my large windows opening at patio, peeks in and asks me if I can open the door. I opened it for them, and this 4 yr old recognised this movie right away! And the gang poured in. I had like 6 kids in my living room, demending one after the another thing to eat. it started with chocolates, and when it emptied out, 'do you have pop corn?' Then came ice-cream, and again pop corn. Their purpose was over now, they had fun in revolving chair, running around having nice evening movie+snacks combo, and they started to play again. I have 3 entrance doors, and I use two of them. one opens in the hallway, one in my patio. these kids started running thru both the doors, and going out of building, and again running to my patio and inside my place and they went on. It was very different enjoyable feeling I got watching these kids. They had been coming on an average every 2 days to my place, and I also started to like it. A friend of mine suggested to give them water melon or other fruits instead of chocolates. They saw watermelon in my fridge, and I was glad they wanted watermelon. water melon went on for a quite a while. One day, I was into deep reading, and angie comes to my window and asks if I can open the door, if I she can get watermelon. I wanted to read, so I told her, I have to read, I'll give water melon tomorrow. She makes face and says, our school opens tomorrow, and we won't be coming here now! and they were treated again. I kind of felt sad that they won't be coming now.. I still would remember these sweet little girl Angie, and her friends running around, biking, shouting. I miss them coming to my window sometime, interrupting whatever I would be doing.. to open door.. and ask for chocolate, water melon, sharing my dinner..

Happy Indepencence Day!!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY !!
India is 58 years old today, since AUG 15, 1947.

The Family

I had a subitaneus realization on something very striking, about a family. What is a family? The dictionary definition of Family says:

"A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children."

I am talking about immediate family, not the extended one. One's family should transit with age. Ok, let me explain:

Let's start with newly weds. A newly wed couple starts living together, enjoys life togeter. Most commonly they will have child/children. Which would satisfy the definition of a family. It is called a family when children are younger, studying, dependent on parents. Parents usually rule in this small and very basic segment of society. Parents have unprecedented governance in this social group. the youngerones grow up, get their first hand experiences, learn things and reaches a point in time, where there is a cutoff, which plays a very significant role now. This cut off is when a child becomes independent, and most commonly will start to look out or would already have a mate. When this search is over, this child would want to settle down. Now this child, of her parents, as we can say, is in transition. Here is where metamorphosis occures for a person, she starts to belong to a new family now. Her previous family should become an extended family gradually. This is a cutoff point, and traditional valued society misses this cut off point.

In an orthodox commonwealth, a child is not expected to "start a new family" but rather have addition to the family. Usually, this addition to a family is less priored. This phenomenon is very similar to joining a new group. The new person is less important in an association than an old member. The additions to a family, result in embroilment. The old family members want to continue their unprecedented rule over their children, when their children are at the age when they can have their own family. The old family should become extended family. I don't intend to blame or accuse here any kind of social arrangement, and individual case could be different. Even in nature we observe similar pattern of behaviour. A cat would give birth kittens, and when the kittens reach at certain age, cat leaves them alone. But in human society, the parental instincts soemtimes overcasts this natural pattern. They "expect" their once obedient little darlings to be obedient little darlings forever. Fear and jealousy plays huge role here. Parental instincts can not accept the fact that their once little one now likes someone else and that someone is her first priority, and there starts all their tantrum. There are ways to make this transition smoother, and depends very much on a family as a whole's maturity. Some people can never accept transition, and I am sure, their dreams just stays dreams.

In Conclusion, I have observed that mature commonwealth provides a flourishing ground for our betterment, progress and prosperity and is ofcourse more alleviating.

P.S: An interesting article in NYTimes over another interesting behaviour of a family:

It's the Kids. Lock Up the China!

Viva Le Tour!

"Viva le Tour! Forever"
Lance Armstrong, 7th straight, legendary, storied Tour-de-France winner!!

Three Cheers to Lance, A Living Legend!

"I once met three guys named pain, suffering, and sacrifice. Now, we'er inseparable. We're best friends."
Lance armstrong said this once.


Every Second Counts



What would you say to Lance Armstrong if you had one minute of his time?
Here's my one minute with Lance:


Live Strong: Lance Armstrong

Dear Sir Lance,

Yes, I have to call you "Sir". There was something about you, which always made me want to know about you. I am a big fan of your high spirit, not getting defeated by carcinoma. When I heard about your sixth straight victory in tour de france as a cancer survivor, I wanted to salute you. I admire very much your determination, inner strength and will power to come back alive. You have grown to a legend. It does not matter if you win 7th straight tour-de-france, you have already won it even before the race started. You have won it by surviving post-cancer life, by deciding to race, by preparing for the race. That is your one of the biggest achievement. The performance does not matter, the will to perform to be on the top is what matters. You are a living torch for all the cancer patients. I wish you all the best for the race, but remember, you are already No. 1!

Three Cheers for You Lance!!

You can also find this and other letters to Lance here on USAToday .

Memorable past

I was recently reminded of some of my childhood memories while reading one of the posts. I just thought of sharing it with you guys.

It was, may be, 15 years before, I was a bright highschool kid. I wanted to take early lessons for even better performance. So, it was summer classes that I was attending, not in school, arranged by some other people. You pay high fees, and they teach you. Mainly math and science. I would wake up early, take 6:20am public transportation bus, then I was supposed to hire a rickshaw (a three wheeler automobile taxi). For first few days, my dad dropped me and picked me up. But eventually, I was starting to set my routine. And, I believe, very early I started to do this. Take the bus, and instead of taking rickshaw, I would walk in the breezy morning, as i had some spare time left for the claases to start. On the way, there comes an underpass, going under the rail tracks. I saw this guy in very terrible condition on the sidewalk. He was a leper, I guessed he was begging there, though he never asked for anything. He didn't have many fingers, and I did not think he could even see. I felt very bad for the unequality, here, I have luxury to go to school, hire a rickshaw coming from well to do family, and here this guy, I don't know how he would be eating his food or if he could even get food. I was afraid to go near with a fear of catching leprosy. But then I decided that, since, I had some spare time and I could walk, I would walk every day, and save money which my parents gave me to hire a rickshaw, I will give it to this guy. This way, I would help him, without being feared of catching infection, from far. I started to give money to this guy everyday, not to mention here that I never told about this at home. He never asked for it, neither I was not sure he knew that someone was giving him money. I never got any kind of gesture or words or movements from him. I was not sure how this guy would spend money, since I doubted that he could walk, but I did not want to think about it. I was painful. I sometimes would keep some fraction of change to add it to my piggy bank that's a different story..
This continued almost for all the weekdays for two months. Now summer vaction was ending, and so did my classes. I was so worried about this guy that how he would survive now, as if he was surviving on me! But back then, I seriously thought that he would starve and will die soon, and I would be responsible for his death.. I wanted to continue this classes but it was not feasible or possible with school.. and I had to leave it there.

After sometime, whenever I would pass by the same underpass, I would try to look for this guy. It was monsoon, and I read in the newspaper that this underpass was flooded with water, and I was worried about this guy, when I did not know if he was still there and alive.

This incident or whatever you call is one of the most memorable memories from my past..

Valkyries

This caught my attention rightaway when i was just flipping through the book, and which also played major role in making me buy the book:

"We wind up killing what we love most..."
From Valkyries - Paulo Coelho

Summer Serenity

Innocence in the seventh heaven.

What is Freedom?

What is Freedom?

Is it being free from the habits or desires, or justlying idle? Does freedom refer to actions or deeds or words or thoughts?

My the same dear friend who wanted to discuss about "SPACE" asked me another question, "What is Freedom?" have you ever thought on freedom?

we were born, we were freed from the cozy womb, and we cried, we were not happy, we were not free in real sense. We adapted to the surroundings we grew up. and we learned to be happy with it. We learnt that there is day and there is night, we formed a habit of resting and sleeping at night and waking up, being active in the day. we formed out habits and routine based on this solar cycle. these habits also furnishes our biological needs. and provides a set of activities during the day. Think, if you were to sit idlly, disregarding day or night, you had no routine, and you were living in a cave. how would you have managed your life? you will try to set a routine then too. you will learn cold/hot/rain by experience, and take actions to make yourself comfortable. when you would have felt comfortable, you would have been happier! Freedom is not leaving every earthy things and going to caves in solitude.

We grow up, we start taking more interest in opposit sex (i'm talking about in general). we feel a need to have a companion, with whom we can be ourselves. we have a burning desire here. Are we free here? This comes from our learnings since 1000s of years, we also call it our biological needs. in an average case, a person would eventually find a companion. In this association, comes expectations, responsibility. Some times this can be annoying, and we are unhappy again, striving to escape from this unhappiness. Desire is associated with what is opposit of freedom. Is there any freedom here?

Our actions or deeds are the result of a motive, a thought. A thought is motive to any action. Thought can be of your own liking or something you abhor. you are captive of your own mind! Is this freedom?

Then what is freedom?

I just realized something very unnoticed: we call it freedom which makes us happy. The unhappy status gives the feeling opposite to freedom. Is it really true though?

To think is the elementary characteristic of our perplexing mind. Thinking is learned behaviour from our past. So, when we think, we are carrying forward our past with us. When we bring our past in present, we are not free. Another act of mind is analyzing, which is the act of going through our fears, in good words, checkpoints. Fear surmounts freedom. we surrender ourselves to fear and seek pursuits we think will make us safe, which is running from fears. If we can be free from our fears, may be we can be free. It is still a subject of an exploration. A person can feel freedom even when in an association. And a person can feel opposit of freedom even when in no association. Freedom is extant, and we have to uncover it.

I Can Fly

The Water Dance

"I think I can fly, closer to the sky
No ones telling you how to live your life.. "
I just remembered one of the Madonna songs when I saw this picture.


The Sky Oddyssey

Isn't it beautiful? I feel like embracing the whole sky in my two arms :)

Today's Inspiration

“We move from the illusion of certainty to the certainty of illusion.”
-Unknown

It is love alone that leads to right action. What brings order in the world is to love and let love do what it will.
by Jiddu Krishnamurti

In matters of conscience, the law of majority has no place.
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities.The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.
-- Albert Einstein

My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.
Indira Gandhi

Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.
Mahatma Gandhi

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it...always.
Mahatma Gandhi

Does Evryone have a Secret Part of Life?

What is a secret? A Secret is some event or incident, which you know about, but others who claim to know you well don't. There can be one of the two origins of it being a secret:

1. You intend to keep it secret

2. You never got a chance to reveal "the secret" event/incident.

Why we don't reveal these secretive incidents? "The Secret out" situation can be harming one's interests, or one may be afraid of the other being judgemental about oneself. The first case can be more selfish. The later game we play is less harming, not so selfish. I look into myself, why I have not told couple of things to my friends whom I consider close. I was self-analyzing: Am I ashamed of it? Am I afraid of my friend to be judgemental? I have a friend, who is quite close, we hang out couple of times a week, dine together, cook together, gossip together, and help eachother. I have known this friend since last 2 years, and There are somethings I have not revealed to her which happend even before I met my friend. Firstly I did not mention this to my friend without any intention of keeping secret.

A friend of mine came up with a term "need to know basis" information revealing. I find it quite political, safe game, which may be justified as fair. It is our own justificvation afterall, so you feel less guilty. It is a secret when people close to you don't know what you believe is of importance, and that you will be judge wrong if told. Some times we wait for "better time" to reveal it. This is sheer manipulation of human psychology. Better time translates to better mood/place/more favorable situation .

This film ran thru my mind because, I still havn't revealed my "secret", and I am still waiting for "better time" to reveal. I do want to reveal my so called "secret" to her, but it's also too late now for her to be close to me..

What am I seeking?

I am looking back to my 30 years of life, and shockingly I realized a very obvious still unknown fact! Whole of my 30 years, I have spent in waiting..! Waiting for something to happen in my favor, we call it hope. Hope is waiting for a thing to happen you want in future, and living with a belief that it will happen, neglecting the options available in my present. Is hope a really virtue? Hope makes you believe in future, un-acknowledging the present. I was shocked at this realization. If I were to die today, I feel, I have not lived my life, I am still waiting, waiting for future. I am ignoring my today's options to be happy in a hope to live in future.

Where to begin from? Before starting school, I was waiting for school, when in school, wait for holidays, wait for exams to get over, wait for vacation, wait for new uniforms, wait for getting elder to be able to make own decisions, wait to be independent, after school, wait for college, wait for revealing the uncertain career, while in college, wait for the degree, wait for favorable job, wait for any opportunity to go to US, wait for GRE tests, wait for admissions, wait for visa, wait for landing, wait for semesters to end, wait for job, wait for relationship, wait for relationship to get better, wait for living alone, my whole life has been waiting, all of sudden I had this realization. I have a couple of resolutions for myself:
1. Be Happy
2. Don't worry
3. have patinece, wait, be cautious
And with today's realization, I have an internal conflict about wait. Waiting has become my habit, and it has been so deceivingly active. I am in a fight rightnow about waiting. I had let go so many chances of living in this "waiting". I used to take risk, and with my resolving to be cautious, I less became adventurist, I less take risks. The part of my mind which favors being cautious, warns me of not waiting situation, and the part which favors not waiting, warns me of years slipping thru my life, And I am at a juncture, with realizing losing of 30 years in waiting, start to not to wait eventually. I have not come to any conclusion though, this fight within is not against of or in favor of me, it's not losing either way. but I feel, I need to be more adventurous now..

need company?

What are we looking for? no ear to the daily 3000 words coming out of your mouth a day? feeling like midlife crisis? people suggest an all problems' solution, get married. one of my just got married friend said so. After marriage, you don't get bored, you don't need people for company. well, that, kind of looks right to me sometime. You'd realize this if you have couple friends and if you are a single. why do we reach out to people? because, we don't get bored, we get entertained, we can keep ourself occupied, we feel happy. We are not happy being alone. Why? We human beings are animal of herd. With the exceptional qualities of our mind, there comes this craving to keep our mind occupied. When no mind, not worries, but in our case, that is not so, we have mind, we have thoughts, we have preferences, being distinct and the most intelligence creatures on the face of earth. Hence comes our need to be with a company, a psychological need, and physiological need. It's a long weekend sunday, and right from my wake up, I am bored.. so this came to my mind...

My fantasy as a teenager: I used to think that I would meet a guy in a park, college or even next doors, fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. this someone who is intelligent, caring, confident, sophisticated, lively and knows how to listen to the music of the Rain. We can go for long walks, talk late into the night, doesn't mind getting bored with me, discovering the joys of togetherness. A person I can grow old with and still feel that our relationship is fresh and young. May be it sounds too much of a fairy tale now or I am really bored...

Happy Holi

Mound of Excitement and Happiness on HOLI!!




It's Holi Time!! No one is spared




It's Holi !!

The evening of bonfires:

Holika, commonly called Holi is a spring festival celebrated at the approach of the spring season, during the 3 or 4 days preceding the full moon day in the month of Phalgun. Essentially, Holi means the triumph of good over evil and conquest of sensual values by spiritual values. Families assemble, lit up bonfires, throwing prasad and coconut in the fire. The evil spirit, symbolized by all those dead leaves, twigs, dirtand filth that collects during the winter months, is thrown up in the fire. They also take home prasad. The Holi festival marks the end of winter and the beginning of spring. A pot of new barley seeds, coconut is placed for roasting under the pyre before the bonfire is lit up. These seeds are eaten after the fire dies down. The yields in the coming harvest season are predictedby reading the direction of the flames orby the state of the roasted seeds in the pot. The ashes from the Holi fireare also believed to provide protection against diseases. It's something similar to the ancinet ritesof burning Maypole in the West part of the globe.

The carnival of colors:

The main event of Holi is indeed a carnival of colors. The next day, children, friends and neighbors come out on the streets. And the spree to color-anyone-you-see takes over.Colors of all form and variety.They come in shades of red, orange, blue, green,and purple, and the likes.And they are available in oil, water or powder base.
The spirit of Holi is colour - rich and vibrant, flung into the air and smeared with laughter on friends and loved ones. It recalls, very simply, the secret of life: a shifting panorama of sights, movement and feelings. Colours denotes energy - the vivid, passionate pulse of life. Colour signifies the vitality that makes the human race unique in the universal scheme. Holi, the festival of colour, is also the enactment of spring. It is, in a metaphorical sense, changing earth’s dull garb of winter for the fresh blue of the March skies, the bright colours of new blossoms, the brilliance of the summer sun washing everything with its red-gold hues.

Take A Chance

I remember from my job search experience that when you are prepared, you don't get any interview, and when you are not trying, or prepared, you get "interviews". And there is a high probability that you will blow up. But, here comes the fight between a thought which says to give up and flee the interview, and another says to take a chance and try your best. Which side would you go? This is life, not a film, where you don't get second chance. My philosophy is to take chances. There is also a song I remember (not sure by whom but quite famous) called 'Take a Chance..'. For a chance, there can be two disciplines of thinking, one which says, I am not ready, so I will prepare myself and then look out for new chances. Mind well, this never happens, if you are not ready today, you are never going to be ready ever in your life. If you follow this discipline, you may regret it later to let the chance go. CHANCES DO NOT WAIT FOR ANYONE. If you get a chance, just take it, don't wait for the next one. I solve my confusions with this simple rule: I will give it my best shot whether I am prepared or not and TAKE the CHANCE rather than hiding from it may be it failure.

The Happiest Baby of the World!!

Doesn't she remind you of someone? doesn't she make u feel jealous? Well, she does to me! No worries, being center of attention, no work, no understanding of right and wrong, a messy eater with no teeth, just a HAPPY state!! She is Vidhi, my friend's baby daughter, 4 months old...

The SPACE..

It is the space between the bars that holds the cage.
-Zen Master

A friend of mine asked me what are my views on this. At first, when I read it, it did sounded like, hmm.. a cage, bars, space, so what's new this saying tells us? Even after a day, this was still on the back of my mind, "what this means", trying to get depth of this zen saying. Anoher motivation was to reply to my friend who asked my views on this, with whom I'm in touch only with email forwards now a days :) . On friday, I was done with work, tired, riding back home in the train, half in transe, it occured to me that cage defines inside the cage and outside the cage! And I got a direction to follow for the saying!

It's the space between the bars which makes the existence of the cage. If there would not have been any space between the bars, it would have been a room. The space makes one realize that there is an outside and there is an inside, that he/she is inside, and there is something better, called "freedom" outside. He/she has something to compare with ,called outside. If it were just solid wall, person would have been just satisfied with what is available. But when there is a comparison, and realization of one's limitation or boundary, person wants to become free from just realized "cage" or trapped condition. It's curiosity of experiencing outside world, and dissatisfaction from the present situation makes a cage so important for a person. "Important" may not necessarily mean favorable. Something like we feel many times, we want to go to a place which is not home, we get bored at home, we want something new or not home to entertain our mind. It's also our tricky mind, which never gets satisfied. Our mind wishes something, we achieve it, and in no time, we get bored of it, now we want some other thing, which is not the thing we just achieved. Mind gets fed up very easily. Our mind tries to thrive on so called "newness". We lose interest in a new thing very fast. As soon as we experience it, we are done with it mentally. But we are smart to hide that we are done with it if we can not get rid of it for whatever reasons :), may be it social reasons, moral grounds or obligations or our own weakness.

I could identify so many cage situations with me too now after I started thinking into this direction. I am thinking, even if I will be or I am aware of these "cage" situations, would I be able to see it from another prospective now? The way our mind works is, it would first think of self first! Map the benefits of the cage, and disadvantages of the cage. What weighs more? benefits? boom, no way I'm going out of the cage !! It's my safety net or comfort zone. We are afraid to step out of our comfort zone. We are afraid of unknown. We do not have a sample experience of the unknown to find comfort/discomfort, and we do not want to put our comfort at stake for something we are not sure if it would be comforting or disturbing. We are selfish deep inside! Whenever there is a judging involved, it's a selfish act. I will judge my self with the arguments which makes myself a winner!! The cage exist if we think there is a cage or bars and space. If I am not afraid of extending my comfortzone into the unknown, there is no cage. The fear is the key to identify and not surrender to it. I have observed how I react to fear, I get into the unknown with no thought in my mind, no comparison or judgment, before or after thoughts, with a faith that I will be still in comfort with stepping into an unknown, TRUSTING The SELF and no regrets later. The part of my mind which blocks such thoughts takes the charge and I become fearless under it's leadership. This is the best I can describe process that occurs in my mind to overcome cage feeling.

Valentine's Day Wishes

Happy Valentine's Day 

My Next Favorite Movie: BLACK

BLACK (link: BLACK)

Teacher and the blind girl.

Young girl from the movie.

A story of a blind and deaf girl and an alcoholic teacher (link: STORY). I have not watched it yet, but I know, this is going to be my another favorite movie. It is a film made in bollywood (link: BOLLYWOOD), biggest film industry in the world. It is an english movie, with very different story, very inspirational, very touching. I just wanted to watch this movie today as soon as I came to know about this. But I did not find any company to go with. This is a spiritual, grandiose, dazzling, delicate movie showing one's soul getting elevated from less than normal. I give 4 STARS !! Go, Watch this movie!!

Am I Patient Enough?

Patience

How much patience is patience, and how much patience makes you a fool?

There is no fine line between these too. Patience is a positive attitude, a hope, kind of "what you want, would happen, may take little longer" attitude. Too much waiting for the thing to happen can prove yourself a fool. It's on a person's judgement, how long to be patient. Many times, being patient is taken as a weakness. I have come up with a good formula to this, set a deadline, or give a certain numbers of chances to your patience, like, number of benefits of doubts, or set a time period to evaluate your judgement of patience again. Absence of patience is more seen in teenagers, which is not necessarily a conclusion. Sometimes patience can reflect fear of situation of not having patience or disregarding self respect.

Re-Evaluation

What is friendship?

I woke up at 6:35 am on sunday morning(very unusual), going through my memory cinematography, past events, perceptive exchanges, continued with last night dinner etc. It takes more than routine dinner/lunch together, routine meet ups in any relation. It is not just something you want to share when you are unhappy. It is something more than that. The main substance of friendship is communication. May it be verbal, eye, physical or even non-communication. I am surprized how we communicate even with not communicating. If We are angry at or ashamed of someone we know, forget verbal communication, we avoid even an eye contact. This sends a very strong message, I am angry at you or I am ashamed of you. We have many forms of communication.

I take train ride every day for my work, 50+ mins ride each way. I see many same faces every day. They probably take the train for the same objective. We many times share same seats. We are quite close phiscally too, less than 3 feet of one's very personal space. Still I do not relate myself to them or neither do they. If you watch people in train, you can easily make out a new mother, old mother, happy person, an ambitious business professional implimenting business tactics, a worried person, a unhappy person, sick person, but we never ask them why do they feel so or what is wrong or right. We behave as indifferent. Routine meet up does not mean relation! It takes more than that, an "emotional closeness". This is a give-take and take-give process. It is a bid-offer process.

Mind it well my friend, friendship is not eternal, it is an ever changing chemistry. It has two chemical agents, acting or reacting all the times. The result can be some by-products or an explosion. We as human beings are animal of crowd, we need each other. We need each other for emotional needs. We good friends may not exchage gifts, it's the little things we do and we don't do. It is not just our support system in your worries and down time. It is there to share your happieness; in your sorrow, you want them to have ampathy, you want to get a feeling of belonging when in sickness, sometimes we just want physical presence, or we want to share our perpetual, "everyday-new day" things. This forms a main product called "emotioanl closeness", though of different levels, and nurtures both the reagents in the chemical process. This process has the inherent constituents: willingness, sensitivity and intuition. We don't analyze consciously on when to communicate, how much to comunicate. Above three in our subconscious just happens to us on how much, when or how to communicate. It is very instinctive and intuitive. You can not apply intelligence or logic (not necessarily unbiased), otherwise it no longer remains pure, it becomes an applied subject, like math. In this chemical process there is a danger of developing a very secret property called jealousy. This can lead the whole chemistry to a regression or repulsion. Human mind is very tricky. Our perceptions are very different though same physical and chemical composition of our bodies. One of the symptoms of receding relation is repeated give-no take and no take-give cycles. and statistically, the chemical process barely survives this cycle, usually it ends in an explosion.

All this comes to my mind with a sequence of incidents with a friend of mine. routine weekend diner, though uninvited; no direct effort to talk to me, kind of indifferent feeling; no reaction to my very evident not feeling well look which I never miss to reciprocate; no concern to happenings with me since a long time, all these make me re-evaluate our process. I feel sometimes I am losing patience, or it's just my imagination, but my part of mind is little sensitive on me getting indifferent. It's not just a conflict between two people, it is also a conflict within, may be of different levels based on different priorities though...

We are not perfect but at least we adjust to other person with our distinctive intelligence and emotional maturity, when this adjustment comes from only one side for long, it's just conflict that remains, and I believe one should definitely re-evaluate if it is worth investing one's time being little sensitive to yourself.