Friday, June 24, 2005

Memorable past

I was recently reminded of some of my childhood memories while reading one of the posts. I just thought of sharing it with you guys.

It was, may be, 15 years before, I was a bright highschool kid. I wanted to take early lessons for even better performance. So, it was summer classes that I was attending, not in school, arranged by some other people. You pay high fees, and they teach you. Mainly math and science. I would wake up early, take 6:20am public transportation bus, then I was supposed to hire a rickshaw (a three wheeler automobile taxi). For first few days, my dad dropped me and picked me up. But eventually, I was starting to set my routine. And, I believe, very early I started to do this. Take the bus, and instead of taking rickshaw, I would walk in the breezy morning, as i had some spare time left for the claases to start. On the way, there comes an underpass, going under the rail tracks. I saw this guy in very terrible condition on the sidewalk. He was a leper, I guessed he was begging there, though he never asked for anything. He didn't have many fingers, and I did not think he could even see. I felt very bad for the unequality, here, I have luxury to go to school, hire a rickshaw coming from well to do family, and here this guy, I don't know how he would be eating his food or if he could even get food. I was afraid to go near with a fear of catching leprosy. But then I decided that, since, I had some spare time and I could walk, I would walk every day, and save money which my parents gave me to hire a rickshaw, I will give it to this guy. This way, I would help him, without being feared of catching infection, from far. I started to give money to this guy everyday, not to mention here that I never told about this at home. He never asked for it, neither I was not sure he knew that someone was giving him money. I never got any kind of gesture or words or movements from him. I was not sure how this guy would spend money, since I doubted that he could walk, but I did not want to think about it. I was painful. I sometimes would keep some fraction of change to add it to my piggy bank that's a different story..
This continued almost for all the weekdays for two months. Now summer vaction was ending, and so did my classes. I was so worried about this guy that how he would survive now, as if he was surviving on me! But back then, I seriously thought that he would starve and will die soon, and I would be responsible for his death.. I wanted to continue this classes but it was not feasible or possible with school.. and I had to leave it there.

After sometime, whenever I would pass by the same underpass, I would try to look for this guy. It was monsoon, and I read in the newspaper that this underpass was flooded with water, and I was worried about this guy, when I did not know if he was still there and alive.

This incident or whatever you call is one of the most memorable memories from my past..

Monday, June 20, 2005

Valkyries

This caught my attention rightaway when i was just flipping through the book, and which also played major role in making me buy the book:

"We wind up killing what we love most..."
From Valkyries - Paulo Coelho

Friday, June 10, 2005

Summer Serenity


Posted by Hello

Innocence in the seventh heaven.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

What is Freedom?

What is Freedom?
Is it being free from the habits or desires, or justlying idle? Does freedom refer to actions or deeds or words or thoughts?

My the same dear friend who wanted to discuss about "SPACE" asked me another question, "What is Freedom?" have you ever thought on freedom?

we were born, we were freed from the cozy womb, and we cried, we were not happy, we were not free in real sense. We adapted to the surroundings we grew up. and we learned to be happy with it. We learnt that there is day and there is night, we formed a habit of resting and sleeping at night and waking up, being active in the day. we formed out habits and routine based on this solar cycle. these habits also furnishes our biological needs. and provides a set of activities during the day. Think, if you were to sit idlly, disregarding day or night, you had no routine, and you were living in a cave. how would you have managed your life? you will try to set a routine then too. you will learn cold/hot/rain by experience, and take actions to make yourself comfortable. when you would have felt comfortable, you would have been happier! Freedom is not leaving every earthy things and going to caves in solitude.

We grow up, we start taking more interest in opposit sex (i'm talking about in general). we feel a need to have a companion, with whom we can be ourselves. we have a burning desire here. Are we free here? This comes from our learnings since 1000s of years, we also call it our biological needs. in an average case, a person would eventually find a companion. In this association, comes expectations, responsibility. Some times this can be annoying, and we are unhappy again, striving to escape from this unhappiness. Desire is associated with what is opposit of freedom. Is there any freedom here?

Our actions or deeds are the result of a motive, a thought. A thought is motive to any action. Thought can be of your own liking or something you abhor. you are captive of your own mind! Is this freedom?

Then what is freedom?
I just realized something very unnoticed: we call it freedom which makes us happy. The unhappy status gives the feeling opposite to freedom. Is it really true though?

To think is the elementary characteristic of our perplexing mind. Thinking is learned behaviour from our past. So, when we think, we are carrying forward our past with us. When we bring our past in present, we are not free. Another act of mind is analyzing, which is the act of going through our fears, in good words, checkpoints. Fear surmounts freedom. we surrender ourselves to fear and seek pursuits we think will make us safe, which is running from fears. If we can be free from our fears, may be we can be free. It is still a subject of an exploration. A person can feel freedom even when in an association. And a person can feel opposit of freedom even when in no association. Freedom is extant, and we have to uncover it.