What is a secret? A Secret is some event or incident, which you know about, but others who claim to know you well don't. There can be one of the two origins of it being a secret:
1. You intend to keep it secret
2. You never got a chance to reveal "the secret" event/incident.
Why we don't reveal these secretive incidents? "The Secret out" situation can be harming one's interests, or one may be afraid of the other being judgemental about oneself. The first case can be more selfish. The later game we play is less harming, not so selfish. I look into myself, why I have not told couple of things to my friends whom I consider close. I was self-analyzing: Am I ashamed of it? Am I afraid of my friend to be judgemental? I have a friend, who is quite close, we hang out couple of times a week, dine together, cook together, gossip together, and help eachother. I have known this friend since last 2 years, and There are somethings I have not revealed to her which happend even before I met my friend. Firstly I did not mention this to my friend without any intention of keeping secret.
A friend of mine came up with a term "need to know basis" information revealing. I find it quite political, safe game, which may be justified as fair. It is our own justificvation afterall, so you feel less guilty. It is a secret when people close to you don't know what you believe is of importance, and that you will be judge wrong if told. Some times we wait for "better time" to reveal it. This is sheer manipulation of human psychology. Better time translates to better mood/place/more favorable situation .
This film ran thru my mind because, I still havn't revealed my "secret", and I am still waiting for "better time" to reveal. I do want to reveal my so called "secret" to her, but it's also too late now for her to be close to me..
12 comments:
camus said liberty is the right to lie.
someone quoted camus the other day. he had said liberty is the right to lie.
I would add "and not get caught" to this :)
i think this "need to know basis" is very impersonal and it only
works in business/aquantance relationships. of course this is from someone who is brutally honest. i say what i feel and make no excuses.
there isn't anything wrong with secrets but if you're at the stage you are at right now where you are questioning such things, this could mean that it's time to reveal. how else can you expect a relationship to grow and move beyond the boundaries that we create with secrets. good luck :)
Yes Lorena, I also want to add to this that I see keeping secret same as lying. I speak and lie, and same way, I don't speak and still it is a lie. because, there is something there, and you are trying to make as if it is not there/happened.
Wow, venus, not sure how to answer that. Though I love my parents dearly, I grew up with their belief, that the world is a dangerous place, and that you can only trust certain people. I fought that belief all my life. I can honestly say that there are 2 close friends I can tell anything to, and I do. It really depends on you. Are you willing to risk your secrets, or do you want to live in silence. I am well aware that certain people can run with the wrong information and hurt me. I'm also willing to open my heart to those who make me feel like life is worth living. They give me hope that there are small pockets of bliss in a world of chaos.
I also love my parents very much. They have always thought about us, and never about themselves. You can never re-pay their this lifelong unselfish love. I will always be grateful to them. They are the ones who always believe in me, they always have supported me. as you have said: "They give me hope that there are small pockets of bliss in a world of chaos."
We are lucky..
Hi, just landed onto your blog from someplace else. Incidentally, one of my previous posts was about secrets too.
I prefer to keep my secrets to myself. There are somethings I would make sure that even my best friends wouldnt know about.
Why dont you check out http://postsecret.blogspot.com. Real creepy.
Thank you for stopping by.
I also have secrets but scattered all over, someone would know one and somebody else would know another, so no one really knows everything, how about that? though I did not intentionally scattered em, it just so happened.
Come to think of it, you are right. I guess it all depends on the comfort level you share with an individual. But whats going to happen if you leave two of your friends (unknown to each other) alone for more than 10mins ;)
haha, just hope that they won't find your secrets as their topic to talk about!
Why do we keep secrets? Is the a choice or is it because we are afraid or we think it is a risk to us or someone else.
Do i need to share everything with my spouse, my friends. I, personally feel, no!. Someone would ask why no? I would instead ask why should i share myself? Do i share myself, because of a belief that i need to share everything with my spouse, or with my friends, or with my parents.. etc. Do i share because i have to share, or do i share because i feel i sharing. And if i feel like sharing things, i will share them, with whoever people i feel like sharing. Sharing ourselves or our life is not a compulsion and can't be because of our belief that we have to share and let other person know everything about ourselves. Each person has his own space and within that space, the person has a choice to share himself or not. Even we shouldn't expect people to share everything. I don't expect my spouse to share everything with me. They need to have a freedom to choose what and when they want to share, if they at all want to share. That doesn't mean i will doubt my spouse. I will ask, if i feel that there is something worrying my spouse even giving the person a freedom to choose to share with me or not.
And if we are sharing ourselves by choice, then i don't think, there is anything called secret. I feel secret is just there when we feel compulsion to share, but don't want to share. I am not at all talking about business/professional issues. I am talking about personal matters.
Talking about getting a chance to reveal something that we want to share; i feel that if we want to share ourselves deeply, then we can share it and won't find and won't take any excuses for the same.
Venus, I feel, sharing has to come from within. Your friends might ask you how you are feeling? But to share your feelings is your choice. You can choose what to share and when to share. Friends are there because you can share yourself. There is no question of secrets, becuase in friendship, there is a freedom to be oneself however one is and not to be guided by rules or guidelines of friendships.
One will have friends who wouldn't be judgemental about the issue, will just lend you an ear to hear your, so that one can express oneself. And if one need help they can help him or discuss out the matters. But if one is afraid that the people will be judgemental about the issue being discussed, then i feel, either the friendship is not matured, or the individuals are not matured.
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